


Stumble from the Ashes [hiatus]

by Emerald_Dragoness



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Conversations, Awkwardness, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Saving the World, Silly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2015-01-18
Packaged: 2018-03-03 22:22:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2890070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emerald_Dragoness/pseuds/Emerald_Dragoness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trying to build a friendship with a general is difficult. Especially when you blush every time they look at you.</p><p>My take on exploring the relationship between Cullen and the lovely Ellia Lavellan. Surely it's more then just quick glances and blushing at the war table, right?</p><p>Dalish Rogue/Cullen</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It Begins

 

 

I woke up in the dark, my hands chained together. I was assaulted by things I didn’t know; couldn’t possibly know. The Seeker – Cassandra, wanted to kill me. Leliana asked if I remembered anything, and honestly…I couldn’t quite remember.

As Cassandra and I ran to the forward camp, the bridge shattered below us, and as we tumbled down onto a frozen river, she drew her sword and shield, and I grabbed two daggers that had haphazardly fallen with us. We argued for a moment over whether I should keep them; I pointed out I wasn’t trying to escape, and if this weird, glowing, pulsing, and rather painful green mark on my hand could help, I was going to. Hole in the sky? Yeah, shit’s weird. If I can fix it and run away, I’d be grateful.

According to the elf named Solas, I could, in fact, close these rifts into the Fade. I met him and a beardless dwarf, named Varric. The four of us finally made it to the forward camp, where Leliana and a “glorified clerk” (to use Cassandra’s words) were trying to figure out what was going on.

“So no one is actually in charge here.” I observed, and the old man glared at me, but I heard Varric snigger.

“We can charge on the temple, or take the mountain path for a surprise attack on the Breach.” Leliana said, ignoring the chancellor.

“We can’t risk the mountain path; we lost contact with a squadron of soldiers there. It’s too risky.” Cassandra replied, and my left arm pulsed with the energy from the mark. Cassandra stepped in front of me; eyeing me with a level gaze. “What do you think we should do?”

“You’re asking for _my_ opinion?” I asked, bewildered. I shot a look at Solas and Varric, and both of them were staring expectantly at me as well.

“You can close rifts. You might be our only hope of sealing the Breach.” Cassandra’s voice was pleading. I took a deep breath, shaking my head, rolling my shoulders back, closing my eyes for a moment as I weighed the options. After a short moment that seemed to stretch into oblivion as the sky erupted over our heads, I finally looked back up at Cassandra, fixing her with a steady look.

“We’ll charge the temple. We need to do what we can.” I noticed the chancellor move to speak and I cut him off harshly. “Whatever happens, happens _now._ I could die closing that thing, so your stupid shemlen court can wait.” And with that, I strode off in the direction of the Breach, followed by everyone else as Cassandra called out to them to make way to the Temple of Sacred Ashes.

“Creators, preserve us.” I muttered, falling in step behind Cassandra as she led the way.

 

-.-.-.-

 

We came upon the steps of the temple, although most of what could be called the “temple” had been blown away. I half ran up the stairs after some of the soldiers, shying for an instant as a blast from the breach hit the entrance way we were heading towards, knocking the soldiers in front up in the air. I didn’t have to be an expert on the Fade or spirits or whatever to know they were dead before they hit the ground. My ears twitched; I drew the pathetic excuses of daggers from my back, one in each hand. I ran straight through the cloud of smoke to see a small tear in the Fade before us. A few of the soldiers were fighting with demons already.

“Come on, we have to help!!” I shouted without thinking, racing forward to help the soldiers. Solas and Varric stayed at a distance, firing spells and arrows while Cassandra joined me in the fray, hacking and slashing at the demons. I found myself back to back with a rather tall man, wearing rather feathery pauldrons on his shoulders. He bore a Templar shield, and his sword was like an extension of his arm, but we spoke no words as we fought the demons together.

“Now!” Solas’ voice rang out loud and calm, and I reached forward with my hand, feeling the tear in the world. I focused all of my energy on it, the energy bursting forth down from my hand, up to my shoulder, then back down and into the palm of my hand before exploding with the rift, and I pulled my arm back as I knew the tear was gone. I gasped, feeling drained, but I didn’t have time to feel it.

“Sealed, as before.” Solas was standing next to me then. “You are becoming quite proficient at this.”

“Let’s hope it works on the big one…” Varric appeared beside him, blood spattered from head to toe. I’m sure I looked about the same. I felt the corner of my mouth turn up in a half smile, but then I heard someone address Cassandra.

“Lady Cassandra, you managed to close the rift. Well done.” I turned to look at the man I had fought beside, and despite myself, I drank in his appearance. Even though he had just been fighting demons, his blonde hair was neatly combed back, with stubble growing on his face. Even though he was addressing Cassandra, our eyes were fixed on each other. I couldn’t place what his eyes were saying to me, but I could tell they were a deep honey gold-brown. And his voice- _his voice_ \- made my knees go weak, and I cleared my throat slightly, trying to distract myself from the feeling. As Cassandra pointed out that _I_ _,_ the _prisoner_ , was the one where credit was due, the man walked up to me. I felt small compared to him, my forehead coming up to his chin. Yet while he looked down on me (literally), I felt no sense of disdain or resentment coming from him, which was odd and yet pleasantly surprising.

“I hope they’re right about you.” His eyes were fixed on my own. “We’ve lost a lot of people getting you here.” I felt a stab of guilt in my stomach as he mentioned the sacrifices made for us.

“I can’t promise anything,” I met his gaze as evenly as I could, as if we were sizing each other up for a battle, even if moments before we had been fighting back to back. “But I’ll do my best.”

“That’s all we can ask.” His voice was surprisingly soft, making me blink in surprise. He backed away to speak to Cassandra. “Get to the temple. Leliana will try to meet you there.”

“Then we need to move quickly. Give us time, Commander.” Cassandra replied, turning to continue on.

“Maker watch over you, for all our sakes.” The commander’s gaze met mine again, and I could only swallow and nod slightly as he turned to help a limping soldier get back to regroup. Then, I turned my attention to the Breach.

“Creators, give me strength, Fen’Harel, please don’t take me today.” I whispered, trudging meaningfully behind Cassandra as Varric and Solas followed.


	2. Noticing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noticing.  
> A lot is said when you notice someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So first part of the chapter is (obviously, if it isn't) from Cullen's point of view just so we can see what my lady Lavellan looks like. Also, you can definitely make your character's eyes any color, including deep, beautiful, forest green. And I hate all the hairstyles they give us.

-.-.-.-.-.-.

She had closed the Breach. For now. The Inquisition had been formed, with him as the Commander of the Forces. He did what he knew how to do; he trained the troops, drilled them all day, they had to be ready for whatever was going to happen next. Yet what was going to happen in the next twenty minutes…was going to show him what was going to happen in the next several weeks, possibly months to come.

Cassandra entered the room with the Herald. He remembered her from their brief meeting at the Temple. Natural golden-yellow and copper highlights filtered through the dark brown hair; her side swept bangs barely covering her intense green eyes, melted with the longest eye lashes he had ever seen. The sides of her bangs outlined her face, the rest of her hair pulled into a ponytail at the back of her head, her hair easily reaching midway down her spine. Her gaze held his as she entered the room; a frail looking woman, yet undoubtedly strong. Her sharp ears protruded beneath her hair, only adding to her sharp, intense beauty that usually would not catch him off guard. She wore light armor, new daggers from the forge strapped to her back, but the markings of her people, the Dalish, curled on her cheekbones, almost the same intense green as her eyes. He had fought beside many rogues in battle, but he remembered how fluidly she had moved, the flashing of her daggers as she fought beside him before they easily shifted into a comfortable stance, one that was familiar to anyone who had fought with someone with different skill sets. He faintly heard Cassandra remind the Herald of who he was, Commander of the Inquisition Forces.

“Such as they are.” His eyes flitted from the war table back to the young elven woman across the way. “We lost many in the battle at the temple. I fear we will lose many more before this is over.” Her bright eyes darkened at the thought; she didn’t like it any better than he did. He watched her as Cassandra introduced Josephine and Leliana. She was a skilled fighter, no doubt about that. She moved with such an ease as only an elf could do, and if she thought she didn’t notice that he noticed her shooting glances his way, she was sorely mistaken.

“We need to find a way to close the Breach, for good.” Cassandra’s voice brought him back to the war table.

 

-.-.-.-.

 

“Which means we need to approach the rebel mages for help.” Leliana’s voice shattered my focus; did she just suggest-

“I still disagree.” The Commander’s voice turned my attention back to him. “The Templars could do just as well.” Cassandra made a disgusted noise. Obviously they’d all fought about this before.

“We need more power for the mark.” Came the rebuttal. “The mages can pour magic into it, we need the same amount of power in the Herald’s mark as that which created the Breach in the first place. That much magic-“

“Could just as easily destroy us all. The Templars could suppress the Breach, weaken it so-“

“Pure speculation.” Leliana cut the commander off, and I shot a confused look at her. He seemed to have a point-

“ _I_ was a Templar. I know what they’re capable of.” His voice got low, and I found myself curious.

“Unfortunately, we do not have enough influence to speak to either group yet. The Chantry has denounced the inquisition. You, specifically.” Josephine gestured towards me, turning everyone’s attention towards myself.

“That was fast.” It came out before I had even thought about it, but I earned a slight smirk from the commander for it. The scar on his lip made him look particularly rugged and handsome for some reason.

“Shouldn’t they be busy arguing over who’s going to be the next Divine?” he asked, almost glowering at Josephine as if it was her fault. Josephine ignored him.

“Some are calling you the ‘Herald of Andraste’, and that frightens the Chantry.” I snorted; of course it did. “The remaining clerics have deemed it blasphemy, and we heretics for harboring you.”

“Chancellor Roderick’s doing, no doubt.” Cassandra chimed in.

“You mean the glorified clerk we yelled at before?” I asked innocently, but Josephine continued.

“It limits our options. Approaching either the mages or Templars is currently out of the question.” A somewhat uncomfortable silence filled the room. I decided to break it, since they all seemed to be looking at me anyway.

“So people think _I’m_ the Herald of Andraste? A Dalish elf, sent to _spy_ on the Conclave? That’s rich.” I snorted, trying to lighten the mood a bit. I failed, miserably.

“People saw what you did to control the Breach, how you made it stable. And the people have heard about the woman who was behind you when you stepped out of the Fade when we found you. They believe that was Andraste herself.” Cassandra chimed in, and I glanced at the green mark on my hand, which sputtered in reply.

“Even if we tried to stop people from talking about it-“ Leliana started.

“But we haven’t.” Cassandra said, and Leliana shot her a look that said “ _I’M telling the story”._

“People everywhere are talking about you, and they believe it.”

“The Herald of Andraste…” the commander spoke with an air I’m sure he usually didn’t have unless making a joke about something. I met his gaze. “Quite a title. How do you feel about it?”

“Creators bless me, I think it’s ridiculous.” I replied, perhaps too quickly.

“The Chantry has decided an opinion for you, regardless of how you might feel.” He scoffed, and I narrowed my eyes slightly. This man was curious to me, and I wasn't entirely sure I liked it. In a regaling, rugged, handsome sort of way.

“People are desperate for a sign of hope.” Leliana said, bringing my attention back to her. “For some, you are that sign.”

“And to others, a symbol of everything that has gone wrong.” Joesphine said.

“Oh right, because the giant friggin’ hole in the sky pouring demons out of it isn’t a concern.” I snapped, probably more agitated then I should have been.

“They realize it’s a threat. They just don’t think _we_ can stop it.” And the voice of reason speaks again.

“The chantry is telling everyone you’ll make it worse.” Josephine said, and I sighed, exasperated.

“Of course they are.” I muttered, but no one seemed to pay my remark any mind as Leliana continued.

“There is something you can do. A chantry cleric by the name of Mother Giselle has asked to speak with you. She knows those involved, and her assistance could be invaluable.”

“Fine, I’ll see what she has to say.” I muttered, running a hand through my bangs, definitely aggravated by the politics of the shemlen and their ridiculous chantry.

“You’ll find Mother Giselle at the crossroads in the Hinterlands, not far from here-“

“Then I better get a move on, huh?” I said, turning on my heel and striding out the door, unable to contain myself any longer.

 

-.-.-.-.-.

 

Solas, Cassandra, Varric, and myself had spent about a month in the Hinterlands before we returned to Haven. Between closing Fade rifts, acquiring horses, a horse master, destroying the strongholds of both the Templars and the apostate’s, running around putting out fires and saving refugees, the like, we had been quite busy. When we finally did arrive back in Haven, I rode in on a horse Master Dennet had given me, and I was followed by my fine companions, whom I had learned a great deal about in the last four weeks.

“Blighted ass, I hate the cold.” I muttered, slipping from my mount’s saddle, my wrapped feet melting into the snow. I hated the cold with a fierce vengeance. As fond as I had grown of my three traveling companions, I decided a brisk walk back to…wherever I was needed, would be good for me.

I hadn’t really thought about much since I had left. Well, much being the problems we all still faced. I had grown used to being called “knife-ear” and “Herald” all in the same sentence, and it turned out if you simply laughed at them calling you knife-ear, driving a dagger through their throat was that much easier. I had a glowing green mark on my hand that could shut tears in the veil, you would think that by itself would-

“That’s a shield in your hand, _block with it!_ If this was a real fight, you’d be dead.” My thoughts were interrupted as I found myself standing about six feet from the commander, he was surrounded by young recruits fighting with swords and shields, seemingly intent on beating each other up. Despite myself, I inched closer, and the commander folded his arms across his armored chest as he looked at me. May the Creator’s preserve me, I had forgotten how incredibly handsome he was. He wasn't even surprised to see me after so long. Almost disconcerting. “We’ve received a number of recruits from Haven and some pilgrims. Although…” he tilted his head slightly. “None made quite the entrance you did.” I laughed lightly.

“What can I say, I like to stand out.” I said, smiling like a love struck fool. I was graced with a smile from him.

“That you did.” He gestured for me to follow him as he strode between the tents, and I did so, almost too eagerly. “I was recruited into the Inquisition in Kirkwall, myself. I was there during the Mage uprising. I saw firsthand the devastation it caused.” I tilted my head in question.

“Were you really? I remember seeing the smoke from the city for weeks.” I replied, and the commander looked at me in surprise.

“You were near Kirkwall when it happened?”

“Well, sort of. My clan was passing through the area. It was hard not to see the fires or hear the fighting from the slopes of Sundermount.” I looked at him with a newfound respect. “And you were there during all of it.”

“Ser!” a scout ran up to the commander, handing him a report that he swiftly looked over.

“Cassandra had a solution. When she offered me a position, I left the Templars to join her cause.” He absentmindedly signed off on the report and handed it off to another scout, who promptly scuttled off.

“Despite everything….I know I can help.” I found myself spilling a bit more of myself then I would have liked to the commander. “This mark on my hand, whatever it is, it closes the rifts, and I’ll do what I can to help make things right.” A slight smile tugged at the commander’s lips as his honey brown eyes met my stark green ones.

“The chantry lost control of both the Templars and the mages, and now they’re bickering over who the new divine will be while the Breach remains. The Inquisition could act where the Chantry could not, our followers would be a part of that.” His fervor almost caught me off guard…almost. “There's so much-“he stopped himself, and I raised an eyebrow at him. He laughed nervously. “Forgive me, you've just returned, you probably didn't stop by for a lecture.”

“No, but if you have one prepared, I’d love to hear it.” I said shyly, and he laughed, casting a look away from me before steadily returning my gaze, the look on his face making my stomach flutter.

“Another time, perhaps.” His voice sent chills down my spine, and I smiled shyly at him. What was going on with me?

“I ah…” he cleared his throat, and suddenly I noticed we had moved closer together after he had handed off his report. I could smell the gentle scent of burnt wood mixed with something else, I couldn't put my finger on it but it made the man in front of me even more attractive then he already was. “There’s still more work ahead.” His voice made me blink back to reality. The faint scar on his lip stood out amongst the bare stubble growing on his face. He truly was handsome though, and it seemed he had a gentle soul despite his prowess on the battlefield. Before I could say anything to him that would probably have made the moment even more awkward, a scout ran up to us, with another report. “As I was saying.” He gave me a half smile, gesturing to the report as he took it in his hands and walked away, leaving me alone in the midst of the training soldiers.

“He is a gentle man. Try to remember that.” Cassandra’s voice behind me made me jump, and I spun around to face her, feeling my face and ears burn. She had her arms crossed, looking almost…smug.

“I don’t know what you’re-“

“Herald.” She took a few steps forward. “Just be kind to him.” And she left me alone with my swirling thoughts.


	3. Can't Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She can't sleep....neither can the Commander.
> 
> For some reason, I don't seem to be able to make the sexual tension happen. Somebody help me and tell me how to do it. ;-; Unless I -am- doing it. In which case, carry on.

I couldn’t sleep. I paced my brightly lit little house, clutching my daggers in my hands.

“Stupid.” I muttered to myself. Finally, I threw on some extra clothing for the frigid night air, slid my daggers into their sheaths, hooked them through my belt, grabbed a few extra throwing knives, and _put shoes on_ before leaving the house and heading to the sparring ring just outside of Haven’s walls.

Shoes were still a sort of new thing to me. I liked the boots I had though; they protected my feet from the cold, but I could still feel the ground beneath me; the rocks, mostly. When we went somewhere without snow, I was definitely all about throwing any shoes away, lacing up greaves to protect my legs, and off I went. If I could barefoot it all the time, I would, but snow…snow was a different enemy that no amount of calluses and attempts to ignore could defeat. Snow was cold, wet, and slippery. At least with these boots I had, I would be dry. Still slipped a bit, but not as much.

I stopped in front of a ring of practice dummies. I thought, maybe I could tire myself out enough so that when I did go back to my tiny house, I might be able to sleep. And so it began: parry, slash, hack, downward slice, leap away, repeat. I skirted around the dummies, trying my best to pretend they were real enemies. I had crunched the snow around them into fine dust after a while, the moon slowly rising in the sky, casting shadows around me. Besides the wind, and occasional sound of the night watch, it was quiet. I stopped for a moment, gazing up at the Breach.

It was hard to ignore, Blackwall was right on that. I was angry at it, angry at what had caused it. It was so wrong, and I had seen what it had done to the surrounding countryside, to it’s people. I had always been different from the others in the clan, speaking with shem that we came upon, trying to understand them, talk to them, before I judged. It came from something I had heard ten years ago, from a shem that had saved my life. My thoughts flitted back to that particular incident; it had happened on a night like this, peaceful and quiet. I took in the frozen lake, the snow-capped trees. I closed my eyes for a moment, holding my daggers at my side, breathing in the night air.

I opened my eyes, feeling a surge of energy course through me, and I returned to beating the dummies with a newfound vengeance, imagining them now as demons from a rift. I was engrossed, I didn’t even notice the figure approaching me until I spun around, steel clanging against steel. My daggers had stopped suddenly, as had I, and I stared wide eyed and surprised at the intruder, who was wearing quite possibly the smuggest look I had ever seen on a person.

“Cullen.” I didn’t even bother using his title. He wasn’t in his usual feather pauldrons and huge Templar armor; he wore simple clothes, what appeared to be a fur lined coat, but his demeanor was the same.

“Herald.” He inclined his head in greeting, and in one fluid movement, our weapons slid off the other’s, the sound ringing in the silence. He held only his sword, but he held me with a smirk and a gaze of honey gold. “I had not expected to find anyone else out here.”

“Neither had I.” I relaxed my stance slightly. The commander left me with strange feelings in my gut, left my face burning, and usually had me stammering like an idiot because I couldn’t form coherent thoughts around him. Yet I was wary, he didn’t seem…as reserved as he usually did.

“I actually, ah…” he laughed lightly, his free hand turning to rub the back of his neck, as he usually did when embarrassed. “I couldn’t sleep, so I thought…”

“Tiring yourself out might help?” I finished the thought, relaxing completely, letting my daggers fall to my sides. His gaze caught mine again, and I was thankful for the heat already in my cheeks. His _smile_ never ceased to make me blush.

“Yes, actually.” His smile sent butterflies through me.

“It seems great minds think alike.” I said quietly. “You did startle me. I have to say, I’m impressed you were able to sneak up on me like that and then catch me off guard the way you did.”

“I could tell from how big your eyes were when I caught your blades,” he said lightly, taking a step closer. We weren’t that far away from each other; I could see his breath in the night air, the moonlight and the light from the Breach casting eerie shadows across his handsome features.

“I have to ask.” I said, and he raised an eyebrow at me. Clearly here, in the dead of the night, away from everyone else, especially that Fen’Harel cursed war table we have, we seemed able to…relax? Flirt? Is that what was happening? I kind of hoped so. I think. “Why couldn’t you sleep?”

“Ah. And here I thought it might be about my lack of vows to keep from physical temptations’.” I pursed my lips, feeling my ears and face heat up at the memory of my complete and totally stupid question a few days ago when I had quizzed him on his Templar vows. Giving up physical temptations indeed, look at the man, he was gorgeous. I’m sure he had women throwing themselves at his feet almost daily. Despite his jest, I could see his eyes darken, his eyebrows scrunching somewhat. “I am…unfortunate in that I am plagued by nightmares.”

“You too?” I asked automatically.

“It seems we might have more in common then we first realized, Herald.”

“Elia.” I said gently, and he looked at me confused. “My name is Elia. I’m not sure anyone really knows that, but…that’s my name. Not ‘Herald’.” I gave him an apologetic smile as realization dawned on him.

“It’s a lovely name.” he said quietly. I felt my heart jump into my chest, and he seemed to realize what he had said because he started stammering. “I-I mean, it’s lovely to know your name-I mean, not that I _didn’t_ know it, or-“

“Commander.” I said, laughing lightly. “It’s alright. Varric, Solas, and Josephine are the only ones who have asked.”

“You called me Cullen first.” He pointed out, lazily swinging his sword. Now it was my turn to stammer.

“I-yes, well, I mean, if you’d like, I mean, if I could-“ I stammered, and Cullen suddenly brought the tip of his sword to the center of my chest. I felt all color drain from my face immediately. I couldn’t read the look on his face, but I recognized it as a mask, one my enemies wore every time I tore them down. “Commander-“

“Elia.” His voice made me look at him. “Spar with me?” I realized, in that moment, he was telling me in his own way that it was alright for me to call him Cullen, if it was alright that he called me Elia. I smiled, before smacking his sword away with one of my daggers, leaping back lightly, landing in an offensive stance.

“Sure thing. On one condition Cullen.” I said, and before the obvious grin overtook his face. “Want to be sparring buddies? I did notice how well you fought, when we first met.” Cullen smirked, advancing towards me slowly.

“Agreed. I must return the compliment. It has been a while since I’ve seen so skilled a dual wielding swordswoman.” And with that, the fight ensued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, I know. But I thought it'd make a nice chapter. :x


	4. Racing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Racing and bickering and then off on another mission.  
> Life is never boring for the Inquisition, I'll say that much.

“I have to admit, Val Royeax was pretty.” I stated loudly on the trip back to Haven. Our new companions, Sera and Vivienne, had already headed that way a couple days prior. I had stayed in the city with Varric, Solas, and Bull trying to see if there was anything else the four of us could find that might help. Cassandra had also headed back already; no doubt she would greet us upon returning.

“I feel like there’s a ‘but’ coming.” Varric said, a smirk forming on his face. He rode a tough mountain pony; Solas rode on one of our newly acquired harts; Bull had a huge draft horse; myself, I rode upon the same Ferelden Forder that Master Dennet had gifted me, but the four of us together, we made quite an impressionable scene as we rode the mountain road back to Haven.

“ _You’re_ a butt!” I snorted loudly, earning a dignified eye roll from Solas and a guffaw from the Bull. I absolutely loved having the Iron Bull around. His complete demeanor of “Boss. Boss. Can we fight it? Please? Can we?” was so easy to get along with. It was also interesting for me, a Dalish elf, to be able to order the mountain of a Qunari around. I finished laughing at my own childish joke before I continued, Varric shaking his head at me in a mix of disapproval and amusement. “You’re right though. The ‘but’ of this conversation is that if I never have to set foot in that horrid viper’s nest of masks, bad outfits, and nobles again, it’ll be too soon.”

“I can drink to that.” Varric said smugly, his pony shaking its head in agreement. I absolutely adored his pony. It had a thick, shaggy brown coat, it’s mane falling over it’s eyes, tendrils of hair easily obscuring it’s hooves as well. I had managed to use some of our connections (and Varric’s) to obtain this mountain pony from Orzammer. King Bhelen had at first seemed suspicious since we only wanted the one pony, but then when we sweetened the deal when I made a mention to Josephine about how we could probably use a dozen of them for our fellow dwarves that worked with us, the king had agreed to sell us group of adorable, personable, fluffy, hardy ponies. I had presented the brown one to Varric, and he had named the lovely thing Belles.

“We’re drinking when we get back, right boss?” Bull’s deep voice sounded from behind me. His draft horse dwarfed our other mounts considerably, but a bronto can’t keep pace with a horse’s gait, so we had to find a farmer willing to let us buy this particularly large horse; standing at twenty hands tall, the great horse had a wild side. One that the Iron Bull loved-and added to by having our blacksmith create a head dress for it that doubled as a weapon; if the Iron Bull riding on a huge, muscular horse wasn’t enough, the horse now had a headdress that had several large spikes running down the middle, the bit being fashioned so that anyone trying to come near it’s mouth would have to deal with two razor sharp daggers that had been fastened to either side. It was something to see the Bull charge on his horse, the horse’s head lowered as a weapon as he swung his huge battleaxe around them.

“That we are, because I know I need a drink after seeing a Templar knock out that Grand Mother or whatever they’re called.” I grunted, and I cast a look at Solas. “Are you sure you won’t join us?” I asked, wishing he would. Solas merely smirked at me. The young hart he was riding was formidable, with it’s huge antlers. Solas was terrifying when fighting upon it’s back; firing lightning and fire and spirit magic from the back of the hart as it lowered it’s head, knocking aside any and all enemies that came before it. I had found that even though we were both elves, Solas had a much better time calming the harts down then I did, so I let him break the harts in.

“Alas, da’len.” Solas started, raising an eye brow at me. “I will settle myself in the corner of Haven, away from the prying eyes of our lady Seeker.”

“Oh Solas, you know Cassandra won’t be there. She’s too serious.” Varric said lightly, and I bit back a laugh.

“Nevertheless, I shan’t be engaging in the frivolities that are sure to get out of hand too soon for my liking.” He said, casting his gaze upon the snowy trees around us. I sighed, defeated. All of my efforts at trying to befriend the older man had failed spectacularly. I think he was amused at my efforts though, as he had begun calling me ‘da’len’, which warmed my heart even a little bit. It was hard to believe, but there was something comforting about being with another elf, even one who was so against the Dalish as Solas was. He hadn’t appreciated my ‘allergy to halla’ joke.

“Haven…!” I sighed a sigh of relief as the village came into view.

“And a precious ex-Templar turned Commander.” I quickly turned my sharp gaze on Varric, feeling my face burn.

“Shut your face, Varric.”

“Oho, has our dwarf struck a chord with our illustrious Herald?” Solas asked lightly, and I gaped at him, not believing he was teasing me too. He had the smuggest look on his face. I narrowed my eyes.

“I have no idea what y’all are talking about.” I said stubbornly, glaring at the two of them before I turned my nose up to face the sight of the back of Haven’s Chantry coming closer.

“Anyone with eyes can see what we’re talking about.” Came Varric’s reply, but instead of giving him the satisfaction of me glaring at him, I clenched my teeth, ignoring the heat in my face.

“Boss, I’ll race you!” Bull yelled, kicking his horse into a gallop.

“Bull-they might think-“ I started, but then I realized Varric was looking at me expectantly. “Ugh, FINE.” I kicked the sides of my mount, urging my horse after Bull, not about to lose. I knew my horse was faster; I hadn’t formed any kind of bond with this horse, but I knew the great Forder wasn’t about to lose to the draft horse either. I would have to ask Cullen if he knew anything about horses, seeing as how he used to be a Templar-although what did that have to do with horses? I mean-

“No way you’ll beat me~!” I called out to Bull, him urging his horse on faster still down the mountain path. He grinned wickedly at me.

“We’ll just see about that! Loser’s buying!” I huffed indignantly before snapping the reins again.

“Then I’m _definitely_ not losing! Hiyah!” and urged the Forder past Bull easily. Before I knew it, I was doing my best to slow my Forder down, as we were about to run straight through practicing recruits. “Get out of the way!” I yelled, doing my best to swerve so that we ran straight by them inside of through them. We were mostly successful, a few people had to dive into the snow to jump out of the way, but I did manage to bring my shuddering mount to a stop in front of the stables, catching my breath, laughter bubbling up inside me as I waited for the Bull, Varric, and Solas to appear from behind the bend. Eventually the three of them showed up; the great draft horse breathing heavily, slicked in sweat. Bull had the poutiest look on his face, which broke me. I doubled over in my saddle, laughing, holding the horn of the saddle and my side, chuckling heartily.

“What were you thinking?!” an angry voice sounded nearby, and I tried to bite back my laughter as I regained my composure. “I couldn’t tell if you were an enemy or-“

“I’m sorry, I tried to tell him but-Commander!” I was about to wave it off, but suddenly my mirth was gone at the sight of a glowering Cullen standing next to my horse. I barely saw my fellow companions ride up next to us, Bull’s pouting look turning into an evil smirk, Solas giving me a “You brought this on yourself,” look, and Varric watching intently, a crooked smile on his face. I had never met a dwarf before Varric, but I had found him to be the only attractive dwarf I would probably ever meet. I shot him a death glare before I returned my attention back to the handsome, yet angry man next to my horse. “Commander Cullen. I um, well-“

“Don’t. Do. It. Again.” I was doing my best to bite my smile back. He had snow still in his hair from where snow had flown up into it from my grand entrance, and he had his hands on his hips as if he were berating a child. I bit my lower lip.

“You know me, I have to make an entrance.” I said, sliding from the saddle, letting the stable hands take my poor horse away. Now that I was on the ground, I glanced up at Cullen, feeling my cheeks redden under his intense gaze. I had a feeling he was only _pretending_ to be angry, because I saw his mouth twitch before he shook his head and walked away, barking orders at the recruits and soldiers to get back to work, never mind the snow.

“Nothing exciting about an ex-Templar turned Commander, hm?” Varric had suddenly appeared by my side, his arms crossed as he looked up at me knowingly. I shoved his shoulder, grumbling. Then I saw Bull heading towards Cullen, talking to him about something. I stopped.

“Varric. What is he doing. _Varric-_ “ I sounded almost panicked.

“Oh you know Bull, letting loose the sexual tension in the air.” Varric said lightly, and I gasped, sprinting towards the two of them.

“HE’S LYING!” I shouted, and Cullen, Bull, and his lieutenants stopped to look at me, as I’m sure I looked disheveled and out of breath as I stood a foot from the two men, who, needless to say, looked surprised.

“So you _are_ buying tonight!” Bull recovered first, laughing heartily, clapping Cullen on the shoulder. “Great! We’ll meet you at the tavern tonight, Commander.” He said, winking at me as I stood there with my mouth open, quickly shutting it as he winked at me as he walked past. I stared at Cullen, who coughed, and his lieutenants quickly returned to whatever they were doing before I so stupidly embarrassed myself in front of them.

“Um. Cul-Commander-“ I stammered, and Cullen motioned for me to follow him, so I did, eager to not be standing there like an idiot. I wasn’t paying particular attention as to where we were going, but I quickly realized we were heading to the Chantry, probably to the War Room.

“So. A race, was it?” his voice was low, filled with amusement as he shot me a glance, and I felt the butterflies erupt in my stomach. We were walking so close together, if I reached out I could maybe even hold his hand…his hands were so big compared to mine, I couldn’t help but wonder-

“Ahaha, yeah…” I laughed nervously, rubbing the back of my neck. It seemed a habit I had picked up from spending too much time with him. Not that I was complaining. Of course not. “I won.”

“Really? I couldn’t tell.” He said, smirking as he opened the Chantry doors for me, gesturing to show that he was holding them open for me. I bit my lower lip, casting my eyes down as I walked quickly past him, feeling the heat of his breath as I walked by. Creators preserve me, this man…I stole a glance as I passed by, our eyes meeting, honey gold meeting forest green. We both turned away at the same time, my heart pounding in my chest as he followed me into the dark of the Chantry. We walked in silence for a moment before I broke the silence.

“So…I guess you’ll be joining us tonight at the tavern?” I asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

“Actually…” Cullen laughed lightly. “I had ah…I had hop-thought that we might continue our sparring practice once you returned.” I wasn’t sure if I had heard him right, did he just almost say ‘hoped’?

“Well…Bull was supposed to buy the drinks since I won the race,” I sighed, irritated, “But now my honor is on the line since he announced to everyone watching me make a fool of myself-“Cullen snorted, and I narrowed my eyes at his laughter. “I guess I have to show up to buy.”

“Well, I suppose I can excuse you for one more night.” Cullen stopped right before the door to the war room, and I thought I heard a twinge of disappointment in his voice. We were standing rather close, so close I could almost see the individual feathers on his uniform in the dark candelight of the Chantry. His eyes were anywhere but my face.

“Would…you like to join us?” I asked quietly, and his eyes met mine, in alarm.

“I try to avoid that place.” He said stiffly and automatically.

“Oh.” I’m pretty sure I sounded rather disappointed. Awkward silence.

“I mean-Maker, I’m terrible at this. I try to avoid the tavern because of the soldiers, gossip is terrible among the ranks.” He rambled quickly, and I smiled slightly.

  “Well, how about this; I go, make my appearance, and then I still meet you for sparring?” I gazed hopefully up at the Commander. His eyes slowly met mine, a small smile gracing his face, making the scar on his lip stretch slightly. I couldn’t help but wonder what it’d be like to kiss him, to feel his stubble, to run my hand through his perfectly combed hair-

“I’d like that.” His voice was low, and he seemed to take a step closer, I could smell the wood from his fire, his musky scent as our fingers brushed. Despite myself, I managed to keep my eyes on his, unable to look away…

“Good.” Feeling the flush growing on my face, I turned aside abruptly, opening the door to the war room, feeling my heart pound. “Good afternoon everyone!” I announced loudly, stepping in, having Leliana, Josephine, and Cassandra all look up as I entered the room, Cullen behind me. I tried not to stare at him as he walked around to the other side of the table so we could discuss what we were going to do next. I did my best to listen to Leliana as she told us that they already knew what had happened in Val Royeaux.

“It’s a shame that the Templars have abandoned their senses as well as the capital.” Cullen said, crossing his arms as he looked at everyone but me. I could have sworn he was going to…no, no way…

“At least we know that the Chantry is no longer a threat to us.” I said, mimicking his body language. My heart was still aflutter. Maybe if I crossed my arms over my chest no one would hear it…

“Yes, and we have the opening we need to approach either the Mages or Templars.” Josephine chimed in; probably the only person in the room who sensed something was slightly off was Leliana, as she was watching the Commander and myself with an icy expression I couldn’t read.

“Do we? Lord Seeker Lucius is not the man I remember.” Cassandra’s voice was solemn, and I looked at her, remembering how she had been shocked at how the man she had known had addressed her.

“True. He has taken the Order somewhere, but to do what? My reports have been…very odd.” Leliana’s voice was soft.

“We _must_ look into it. I’m certain not everyone in the Order will support the Lord Seeker.” Cullen’s impassioned voice brought my eyes to him. Obviously the reports of a Templar punching a Mother in front of a crowd of people and then walking away like it hadn’t happened had upset him.

“Or the Herald could simply go to the mages in Redcliffe, as invited.” Josephine spoke up, and I flinched inwardly. I wasn’t sure if that was something I wanted to do.

“You think the mage rebellion is more united? It could be ten times worse!” Cullen argued, and Josephine and Cullen glared at each other.

“We should stop bickering and make a decision.” I said suddenly, making everyone look at me, slightly surprised.

“I agree.” Cassandra said, folding her arms across her chest.

“We shouldn’t discount Redcliffe. The mages may be worth the risk.” Josephine stated.

“They are powerful, ambassador, but more desperate then you realize.” Cassandra said, and I considered that for a moment; she was probably right.

“So it’ll be dangerous.” I said lightly, trying to ease the obvious tension in the room. “What else is new?”

“If some among the rebel mages were responsible for what happened at the Conclave…” Cassandra trailed off.

“The same could be said about the Templars.” Josephine countered, and she had a point.

“True enough.” Cullen said, and I raised an eyebrow at him as he glanced my way. “Right now, I’m not certain we have enough influence to approach the Order safely.”

“Then the Inquisition needs agents in more places.” Cassandra said, looking pointedly at me. “That’s something you can help with.” I silently agreed.

"Herald, a moment." Leliana spoke up as everyone made to leave the room. I shot a glance at Cullen, then Cassandra, who merely shrugged and left me alone with the rather formidable spymaster.

 

-.-.-.-.

 

“So now I have to figure out what’s happened to the Grey Wardens as well.” I muttered, throwing another rock at the frozen lake.

“Elia.” I jumped up, instinctively reaching for my daggers, leaping up to turn around to face whoever had startled me. I let go of my daggers as I saw it was only Cullen. He had an amused look on his face, seeing that he had startled me.

“Andraste’s flaming ass, stop _doing_ that to me!” I muttered, relaxing.

“Andraste?” he asked, even more amused. I waved my hand dismissively.

“It’s something Varric says; I’ve merely picked up on it.” I glanced at him. “May I help you, Cullen?” He smirked, moving closer to me. He didn’t quite look me in the eyes as he stood in front of me, making my breath catch in my throat. Why did he feel the need to make my heart race the way he did? I could stand this close to anyone else, and I wouldn’t feel like I was drowning-

“I wanted to thank you.” He finally said quietly. I met his eyes; such a beautiful color. I couldn’t help but reach out and grab his hand instinctively, and his eyes flashed, his cheeks reddening from embarrassment, but I wasn’t about to let go.

“What for?” I asked gently.

“For…asking Josephine to garner enough nobles from Orlais for you to head to Therinfall Redoubt in the next few days.” His voice was still low, but I could tell there was a slight waver in his voice. I knew reaching out to the Templars meant a lot to him.

“Hey.” I tried to get him to look at me. “Look at me Cullen.” He finally brought his gaze up to meet mine. “We’ll get the Templars to help us. Cassandra’s right, that guy…Lord what’s his face-“ Cullen couldn’t help but crack a smile, “seemed really, _really_ off. We’ll find out what’s going on over there.” His eyes searched mine. “Besides, Redcliffe will still be there if things don’t work out.”

“Thank you.” Then he did something completely unexpected, he brought my hand up to his lips, quickly laying a kiss on my knuckles, smiling slightly as I felt my face turn red, my stomach contorting, mouth opening slightly before shutting it.

“Y-you’re welcome…” I stuttered, and he released my hand, taking a step back, bowing slightly as he did so.

“Tonight then?” he asked, turning to leave, and I nodded dumbly, feeling my heart soar. He only smiled, hesitating a moment before he turned away completely, one hand rubbing the back of his neck as he headed back to his tent. I turned back to face the lake, my mind going to all sorts of places.

“Ex-Templar turned Commander, indeed…” I picked up another rock, throwing it out across the ice, watching it skid a bit further than the others I had thrown. “UGH. I have to buy everyone drinks tonight.” I moaned, falling back into the snow, my arms over my face. Somehow, despite it all, I felt my mouth turn up into a slight smile. “I might have to thank Bull later…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to note, I hope you all like this chapter.  
> I'm trying; for some reason it's really hard to keep Cullen in character. If he seems off, let me know!
> 
> Also, I decided to go for the Templars in this playthrough, because I always went to save the Mages from Tevinter.  
> Needless to say, I was shocked at what happens at Therinfall Redoubt. Kind of like Redcliffe, only you're alone.  
> And it's creepy as fuck.


	5. Drunken Words are Sober Thoughts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This seems to happen to me, a lot.  
> Only it's never with a hot, tall, gentleman like Cullen, sadly.

_[CULLEN]_

 

He stood on the edge of the sparring ring, his sword in his hand. He twirled it once; twice. She should have been there by now. He sighed, sliding his sword back into it’s sheath. He debated whether to accept the open invitation to the tavern, or to go back to his tent to try to fall asleep, dealing with the sinking feeling in his stomach.

He didn’t understand what was really going on with the woman. She was beautiful, no doubt, but she had this wild streak in her that always kept him off guard. Like earlier, when she had taken his hand, he had barely been able to form a coherent sentence, and when she had smiled at him, the feeling in his stomach had contorted uncontrollably, and how he had been thinking of how her lips would feel-all of it inappropriate, and he would crush these feelings accordingly. He shook his head, turning to walk back to his tent. He couldn’t let anyone know; although Leliana had shot him a few looks and commented lightly about his seemingly growing infatuation with the Herald, but he wouldn’t have it. He couldn’t.

Yet somehow, he walked past his tent, into Haven, and found himself standing at the door to the tavern. It was quite loud inside. Maker’s breath, what was he doing? He steeled himself for whatever lay inside, and opened the door against his better judgment. He was greeted with thunderous applause, making him blink in surprise, a smile creeping onto his face despite himself.

“ _Commander!_ ” Iron Bull’s booming voice rose above the din, “You made it!” the Bull was suddenly next to him, clapping him on the shoulder, almost making him fall over, “We thought you wouldn’t!” and before he could respond Bull was steering him towards the bar, where Varric, the new elf Sera, and Elia were sitting. Elia and Sera were doubled over in laughter, Elia holding onto Sera to keep from falling off her stool, as Varric continued waving his hands about, telling some story.

“ _Oh_ _but the Hanged Man, it is sooo filthy~!”_ he heard Varric’s snobbish, lady like voice, which he immediately changed back to his regular voice “And then Moody, you know, the lyrium covered elf, as moody and just completely humorless as usual, was like “That’s because it _is_ filthy.” Hawke burst out laughing as soon as we left, I don’t know how she did it-Curly!” Varric was obviously not that drunk; however he couldn’t say the same for Sera and Elia. Elia had put her head down on the bar, holding a mug of ale in one hand, her other hand on Sera’s back as they were both still laughing.

“That’s a load of shite ifin I ever ‘eard one.” Sera managed to get out, and Cullen felt completely out of place in this group among friends. Then the elf managed to get a look at Cullen, her face breaking into a huge smile as she leaned over to whisper something to Elia.

“Varric,” Cullen said as lightheartedly as he could, trying not to feel uncomfortable, after all his soldiers had been the ones to raise the cheer when he had walked in. However, now he noticed that there was a small distance between this group and everyone else; even if she wasn’t working, the Herald of Andraste still commanded respect without trying to. “Regaling everyone with tales of Kirkwall?” Varric’s face broke out into a huge grin.

“You know me Curly, I can’t stop telling stories.” He said, before shoving a mug of ale at him. “Drink up, the Herald’s paying tonight.” Cullen barely grabbed the mug before it fell.

“I um, well-“

“Oh come on! The boss is hammered, she won’t be sparring with you tonight!” Bull said heartily, before chugging his own glass before yelling for another.

“Sera you meanie,” Elia’s voice was slurred, “No he isn’t-“ but then her astonishingly green eyes met his, and she stopped mid sentence, staring at him. “Cullen.” She breathed, her pupils dilated. She was drunk.

“Herald.” He felt in inappropriate to use her name in front of everyone else, but he could see the hurt look in her eyes, already regretting having done so.

“I…” she swallowed, staring guiltily back at her mug. “I’m sorry I didn’t make it…as I promised.” She looked back at him, attempting to stand up, and she almost fell before he caught her. She was so small next to him…

“I think we’ll leave you two alone…” Varric grabbed Sera and Bull, pushing them away despite their protests, and Cullen stared at him in disbelief, but all he got was a wink, and he felt his face burn. “Herald,” Cullen continued to use her title, not trusting himself to use her name now that half the tavern was watching them over their mugs. She smiled up at him, her head resting easily on his arm. Her usually neat ponytail was coming undone, her hair falling in rivlets down her back, and for once, she wasn’t wearing armor from head to toe; she didn’t even have a dagger on her. She was wearing tan pants, no shoes, and a loose shirt with a large neck; meaning he could see her bare shoulders and the top of her chest…his mind took a dark turn, and he forced himself to focus on only her face. He stood up straight, his hand still around her waist as she leaned into him.

“Cullen,” her voice was low, her breath hot on his skin, “I-“

“I’m taking you home before you do anything you might regret.” He said suddenly, walking her to the door, ignoring the cat calls and whistles that resounded approvingly around them as he did so. However, before he left with her still draped over him, he stopped at the door, casting an icy look about him as he did so. The general chatter of the tavern died down substantially in that instant. “She is still the Herald of Andraste, and Maker help me, if I hear about her defamation of any kind…” he let the threat hang in the air before he shut the door behind them, taking the moment to sweep her into his arms, knowing it would probably be safer that way.

“Oh Cullen, they were jus’ havin’ some fun, is all…” she murmured, her head against his shoulder as he walked down the snowy streets of Haven to her tiny abode by the gates.

“I don’t care.” Came his heated reply, surprising himself with the emotion he held in his voice.

“An’ why’s zat?” she asked, innocently and yet not so. He glanced down at her, the small elven woman in his arms. He didn’t answer immediately, keeping his eyes fixed on her house as he crunched through the snow.

“Is your door open?” he asked, and she nodded.

“You didn’t anzer my question-“ she said stubbornly as he pushed the door open, placing her gently on the ground. Yet she still clung to him, her hands clasping his arms, her eyes trying to search his. She was leaning on him heavily, and she stank of alcohol. Andraste preserve him-

“I don’t need to.” He said quietly, removing her hands gently from his arms. He wanted so desperately to hold her, to run his hands through her hair, to pull her close-

“I see.” She said, removing her hands from his, taking a couple faulty steps back. “I…was wrong, then…” she hugged herself, turning away from him.

“Elia, what are you-“ he took a step forward, but she raised a hand to him, her back still facing him.

“Don’t.” her voice was cold, colder then he thought he’d ever heard it. He felt a nasty twisting in his chest. He stopped mid step as she turned around. She took a shuddering breath. “Thank you, for bringing me home, Commander.” Oh Maker, what had he done- “I would like to be left alone now.” He stiffened.

“Very well.” His voice came out colder then he had expected it to. He made a curt bow. “Good evening, Herald.” And before she could say anything else, he spun around, leaving, probably slamming her door as he did so, but he found himself not caring at that particular moment.

Crush those feelings indeed…he would crush them with every bit of strength he had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear.


	6. Resolve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Therinfal Redoubt, and Cole.

The envy demon was dead. Cole seemed to have vanished; again. I didn’t look at anyone as I stalked back to the Keep, where what remained of the Templar Order waited for us.

“Herald? I sincerely apologize for losing countenance amidst the chaos. That was…unfortunate.” The noble who had talked to me before everything went to hell, duke what’s his name, was speaking to me. “I do hope it won’t affect our concord.” I almost laughed.

“Don’t worry. You’re needed.” I said lightly.

“Wonderful.” He said, although I wasn’t sure if he meant it or not. He bowed, backing away as Ser Barris walked up to me.

“Andraste be praised, she shielded you from its touch.” The young Templar who had helped us said, coming up to me first. He went back to the others. “We’ve numbers across Thedas, but we let this happen. Our officers either failed to see this coming, or were complicit.” The bitterness in his voice spoke volumes. Then he turned to me again. “The Templars are ready to hear what the Inquisition needs of us.”

I looked down at my feet, remembering everything that I had seen while I battled the envy demon inside my head. I felt my stomach churn, remembering the likeness of Leliana slitting Cullen’s throat, how Cullen raged in his cell about how I had let the Inquisition become a butcher’s pit…seeing Cassandra kneel next to someone, listening to their story on how I led an army of demons to Val Royeaux. Everything that could happen…I turned pointedly towards the Breach; far off in the cloudy sky, but there nevertheless. I considered it for a moment before turning back to the Templars, emotion welling up inside me as I began to speak.

“The Breach is the real threat that Thedas faces.” I began, ignoring the clenching feeling in my gut. “Hope will not make it go away. Ignoring it will surely doom us all.” I let my eyes cross over everyone I could see, lingering for a moment on the faces of the people I brought with me; Solas, Varric, Blackwall. I knew Solas wouldn’t like the idea of a full alliance with the Templars, but I knew what was right, in my heart, after having seen what I had. “Join the Inquisition. We can help the Order rebuild, be true to it’s calling. Help us seal the Breach once and for all.” I waited for the answer.

“Very well. We shall head to Haven immediately.” Came the answer, and the Templars cheered, probably exhausted after fighting the Red Templars (I knew I was), but also probably glad to know that they were on the right path again. I couldn’t help but think of Cullen, how gallant and true he was to the cause of the Inquisition. I smiled slightly at them before Knight-Templar Barris excused himself as he and the other lieutenants began preparations to leave.

“Let’s go.” I said wearily, casting a look at my friends. “I want to get out of here.”

“Herald-“ Solas caught up to me, and I looked at him.

“Solas. I know what you’re going to say.” I looked down at my feet, not being able to bear his disappointment. Then I hugged him. “I’m just glad you’re alright.” I whispered, feeling him stand stock-still. I didn’t care, I had just needed to physically feel someone that didn’t involve stabbing them to death. I released him, ignoring the pink tint in Solas’ cheeks, and the looks Blackwall and Varric wore. I looked at them as well. “I’m just glad we’re all alright.” I said quietly.

“You alright?” Varric asked gently, and again the images of the Envy demon tore through my mind. I smiled though.

“For now, yes. Let’s get back as fast as we can. The Breach can’t wait.”

-.-.-.-.-

I headed straight for the War Room when I returned to Haven. I still hadn’t spoken to Cullen since our little…incident that night after the tavern. We had left for Therinfal Redoubt so quickly though no one had really had the time to notice. While passing through the Hinterlands I had met Warden Blackwall, and that was easily taken care of. So now, I stood pacing the War Room by myself, staring at the map in front of me. I glared at the piece that stood over Haven. Without thinking, I reached for one of my throwing knives, and forcefully, angrily, drove the knife into Haven on the map, right as the others entered. My hand was still on the knife as I glanced up at the shocked faces of Cassandra, Leliana, Josephine, and Cullen.

“Do come in.” I said lightly, slowly releasing my hand as they slowly filed in. Cassandra shut the door.

“Elia?” Josephine asked gingerly, and I refused to look at them. Instead, I turned to face the wall behind me.

“We must close the Breach, as soon as possible.” I said, staring at the Andrastian symbol emblazoned on the wall.

“The Templars are sending their veterans ahead of the rest to help us with that-“ Cullen began, but I cut him off.

“I saw things.” I began, feeling that they all had a right to know what I saw in the Envy demon’s trap. “The Envy demon showed me what we could become. What _I_  could become.” I knew my voice was shaking, and I hugged myself. “It was just a demon’s trap, of course. But it was so real.” I whispered the last part, turning around to face them as I did so. I searched everyone’s face; I tried not to linger on Cullen. I couldn’t stop the dull ache in my chest as I remembered the way his body had slid to the ground, blood spouting from his throat, covering his chest, sticking to my hands as I tried to stop it-

“Nothing you saw will happen.” Cassandra’s firm voice shook me from my thoughts, and I looked at her. She was smiling at me, softly. “We will not allow it.”

“I read the report you sent us, however brief it was.” Leliana’s voice drew my attention to her. “We will close the Breach as soon as the Templars arrive, which should be in a few hours.”

“I recommend you rest, Elia.” Josephine’s voice was soft.

“No.” I said, letting my arms drop to my sides. They all seemed surprised at the sound of determination in my voice. “Cassandra is right. What I saw…I will not allow it to happen.” I was surprised at the fierceness in my voice as my eyes caught Cullen’s. I made a promise to myself in that fleeting moment, that I could not let such a man as he to die the way he had in my vision of what could be. “I have to be ready for the assault on the Breach.” Suddenly, a burst of smoke came from the war table, and we all jumped back as Cole was suddenly sitting on it, eyeing the knife I had stabbed into it, now in his hands, quite curiously.

“They’re almost here. Templars don’t like to be late.” His voice was calm, like it had been in the dream.

“Maker!” Cassandra and Cullen drew their swords at almost the same time, both rushing to be at my side. Cullen stood closer to me probably then he should have, holding his sword straight in front of him, ready to strike down Cole-

“Wait!” I jumped, trying to calm both the Seeker and Commander.

“I came with you to help. I would have told you before, but you were busy.” If the tension in the room wasn’t obvious, I would have laughed a little.

“That’s fine Cole.” I said, raising my hands to try to lower the blades on either side of me. “You just startled us is all, appearing out of thin air.”

“I wasn’t air, I was here.” I felt my heart stop. “You didn’t see me. Most people don’t until I let them.”

“Call the guards.” Cassandra said, even as Cole got off the table to stand up. “This creature is not what you-“

“Hold on Cassandra. I would like to know why he came.” Leliana’s voice cut in.

“You help people.” Cole looked at me now. “You made them safe when they would have died. I want to do that.” Cole kept looking at me, and I knew he meant it. I felt the tension ease in my shoulders; I couldn’t help but trust him after he helped me the way he had. “I can help.”

“Why and how would you help the Inquisition?” I asked, more for everyone else’s sake then my own. I already trusted him.

“The hole in the sky is too big for spirits to think. It’s pulling. Pushing out pain. I want to stop it.” The emotion in his voice was true.

“How altruisitic of you.” Cassandra’s dryness made me shoot her a look.

“I want to help. I can be hard to see. I can kill things that hurt people. I-I won’t get in the way.” His voice was pleading with me, his face hidden by his ridiculously large hat.

“You can stay Cole.” I looked at Cassandra. “He saved my life in Therinfal. I wouldn’t have defeated Envy without him.”

“But what does he want now?” Cassandra’s distrust almost made me want to shout, but I controlled myself.

“I think he really wants to help.” I said, trying to stress the words. I wasn’t going to let them hurt him.

“I won’t be in the way. Tiny, no trouble, no notice taken unless you want me to.” His pale blue eyes met mine. “Blood, so much blood. Trying to make it stop but it won’t. He can’t die-I won’t let him. I’ll save all of them.” Did-did he just read my thoughts out loud?

“Cole-“

“You’re not honestly suggesting giving him run of the camp?” Cullen’s sour voice made me look at him. He was still so close to me, in such a protective stance, his sword still aimed at Cole’s heart…

“Not freely, perhaps, but it seems a waste to-hold on!” Josephine started, and then stopped, as suddenly Cole was gone.

“He does that.” I said, trying to get Cassandra and Cullen to lower their swords at the air where Cole had just stood.

“We should see if he can teach that trick to anyone else.” Leliana said, obviously impressed with Cole’s trick. “I’ll have people watch the boy. But let’s not be distracted from the Breach.”

“We’ll need your help when the Templar veterans arrive.” Cullen’s voice brought my gaze back to him, and he sheathed his sword, his hands resting on the pommel. Take time to prepare while you can.” Then he turned and abruptly left the room, leaving me with an overflowing bundle of emotions.

“You’ll be able to find me by the lake.” I said, leaving. I had to get out of the room. I rushed past the advisors, ignoring the feeling I had seen in Cullen’s eyes, the way my heart was pounding, I ducked my head down, determined to walk out of the Chantry with my head held high. Which I did. I realized I didn’t want to talk to anyone about what had happened with the Envy demon. I even passed by Cole, who had appeared by the merchant near the gates. I ignored everyone. I simply stalked down towards the lake, ignoring the calls of ‘Herald’ that I heard, ignoring the soldiers lining up to listen to their Commander speak.

And then I started running, running out across the frozen lake, just needing…to _run_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't done the Templar route, I recommend it, just for satiating curiosity. 
> 
> More to come on the feelings and reactions of the trip inside her head with Envy and Cole though. Just...not right now. ;)


	7. Haven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haven.

The Breach was closed. I stood by the Chantry, looking out over the town as the people celebrated.

“You’re not celebrating?” Cassandra’s voice came from behind me, and I simply shot her a look over my shoulder.

“No.” My eyes were searching, searching for someone…but I couldn’t really figure out who I was looking for. “That was too easy.” Cassandra crossed her arms.

“Maybe. But we will find out who murdered the Most Holy, and what caused the explosion at the Conclave.” She sounded so sure of herself.

“I hope so. It seems that we have so little to go on. We haven’t heard anything from Redcliffe, either.” I muttered the last bit, sighing.

“I am not an expert on matters of the heart,” Cassandra began, and I looked at her confused. “But I think you should try to speak with the Commander. Whatever happened between you two…”

“Happened, and it’s done.” I replied, feeling a sharp pain in my chest. I did my best to ignore it.

“So you say.” I sighed, exasperated. I looked at Cassandra, pleadingly silently.

“I…saw him, in the dream with Envy.” I said quietly. Cassandra suddenly seemed infinitely more interested in what I was saying. “I…can’t deny…I haven’t-haven’t thought about…him, as more than the commander…” I couldn’t stop the heat in my cheeks from burning, and after everything that had happened in the last two months since I had woken up a prisoner here, just…everything seemed to continue to spin out of control. “But…I can’t. I can’t let it be more.” I clenched my fists involuntarily.

“Why not?” she asked bluntly, and I sighed, feeling my eyes begin to water.

“I already can’t stand the idea of losing him.” I whispered, and I looked at the older woman again, searching her face for some kind of understanding. “It’s stupid, we barely know each other, and-“

The ringing of the bells cut me off. We heard Cullen shouting in the distance to head to the gates. It didn’t take but a moment to leap down from the wall to rush to the gates with the others.

“Cullen?” Cassandra’s voice was laced with worry.

“One watchguard reporting. It’s a massive force, the bulk over the mountain.” He motioned to the mountains in the distance. He was calm, collected; everything that I definitely was not at the given moment.

“Under what banner?” Josephine’s voice sounded so melodic over the din that was rising in the hills around us. I double checked myself; I had all of my weapons on me still. I saw Varric, Solas, Vivienne, Sera, Blackwall, Cole, and the Iron Bull had managed to make it to our tight circle of leaders by the gate.

“None.” The finality in Cullen’s voice was not one that sat well with me.

“None?” Josephine sounded completely surprised. I stepped forward to the gate, feeling an intense burst of magic from the other side, light flashing beneath it.

“If someone could open this, I’d appreciate it!” a rugged voice called from the other side, and I ran to push the gates open. I opened it to find a single man, an extremely attractive man, kneeling amidst a  circle of bodies. He supported himself on his staff; a mage, and a powerful one. I ran out to him, barely realizing Cullen had run out with me.

“Ah! I have to come to warn you, fashionably late though I’m afraid.” he said, trying to stand up, only to almost fall back down before Cullen caught him easily with one arm, helping him stand back up. “Mite exhausted. Don’t mind me.” He stood up on his own, shaking himself off firmly, as though some invisible hand had been holding him. He had a fantastic mustache, also with quite lovely hair and a rather…interesting flair for clothing. No one would have been able to deny how handsome this man was. He was handsome in a different way from what Cullen was; Cullen was more rugged, while this man seemed more refined. Regardless of my thoughts, the man brought me back to the immediate threat at hand.

“My name is Dorian Pavus, and I bring grave news from Redcliffe.” He looked from me to Cullen, then back to me. “An army of rebel mages, right behind me.” Cullen and I exchanged looks; I felt fear grip my insides. “They are under the command of the Venatori, in service to something called ‘The Elder One’.”

“That’s what the Envy demon was talking about, along with the Knight-Lieutenant at Therinfal Redoubt.” I breathed, glancing fearfully at Cullen. Cullen, if was afraid, did not show it.

“The woman is Calpernia. For that…” Dorian pointed up to a hill not too far away. I saw a woman mage standing upon it, and as Dorian spoke, smoke billowed from behind her, and a huge Darkspawn came walking up behind her.

“Is that…?” I left the question in the air.

“A Darkspawn?” Cullen’s low voice sent a chill down my spine, and not in the good way.

“ _That_ is the Elder One.” Dorian’s voice was low. We could see the lights moving closer and closer to us; they were almost upon Haven. “They were already marching on Haven. I did everything I could to get here first.”

“Cullen, give me a plan. Anything.” I immediately turned to him, pleading. He turned to look at me.

“Haven is no fortress.” His voice was calculated with years of combat and the surety of giving orders; even in a situation such as this. “If we are to defeat this monster, we _must_ control the battle.”

“Very well. Cassandra! Varric! Solas! With me!” I turned, barking orders myself. “Everyone else, with the Commander!” My trio rushed to my side, heading towards the trebuchet in front of us. I heard Cullen’s rallying call to the troops, and felt my heart skip a beat. We would not be crushed so easily.

 

-.-.-.-.

 

“Herald! Our position is not good.” We had just slammed the doors of the Chantry shut when Cullen found me by the door, and he ran over to me, his armor spattered in blood, his usually perfect hair unkempt as he came up to me. I winced, ignoring the stabbing pain in my thigh where someone had stabbed me, and I stood as straight as I could as he came up to me. “That dragon stole back any time you may have won us. There has been no communication; only advance after advance.” He gestured with his arms as he spoke; I blinked, leaning against the stone wall by the door as I tried to think.

“There was no bargaining with the mages either.” Dorian had half carried Chancellor Roderick in; it was obvious the man was dying. “This Elder One takes what it wants.” He said as he helped the Chancellor into a chair, kneeling next to him. “From what I gathered, it marched all this way to take your Herald.” It was silent for a moment.

“Then I will go to him.” I said quietly, and I avoided Cullen’s gaze, afraid of what I might see there.

“An assassin might take you up on that,” Dorian said lightly, “But this force has not seemed concerned about specifics. And such a promising start with the landslide…” he chuckled darkly. “If only trebuchets remained an option.”

“They are, if we turn the last of them to the mountain above us.” I looked at Cullen.

“No. To hit the enemy we’d bury Haven-“ he cut me off sharply.

“This is not survivable now.” Cullen’s voice was low as he stepped closer to me, so as the soldiers and townsfolk wouldn’t hear him. “Now it is just a matter of how _spitefully_ we end this.”

“Well that’s not acceptable.” Dorian stood up and came to join our little discussion group. I was still leaning against the wall, one hand on my thigh, feeling blood begin to seep through my fingers as Dorian spoke, voicing the opinion I couldn’t. “I didn’t race here only to have you drop rocks on my head.”

“Should we submit?” Cullen stepped in front of Dorian, placing himself between Dorian and I. “Do we let him kill us?” the anger and spite in his voice just made me realize that this…this could be the end.

“Dying is typically a last resort, not first!” Dorian spat out. “For a Templar, you think like a blood mage.”

“There is a path.” Chancellor Roderick’s weak voice turned all of our heads towards him. “You wouldn’t know it unless you took the summer pilgrimage, as I have…” he coughed, blood splattering his usually pristine robes. “The people can escape. _She_ must have shown me… _Andraste_ must have shown me the way…so I could tell you.” He somehow managed to stand up, and Dorian was at his side again, helping him stand. I took a breath; then another. I heard the roar of the dragon outside; the sweeping of it’s wings, the thundering of it flying through the air, and the advancement of this rebel mage army. I decided.

“Cullen. Can you lead them out?” I looked at him, his eyes meeting mine.

“Possibly, if he shows us the path.” Cullen’s eyes searched my own. “But what of _your_ escape?” his voice was gentle, quiet, and I turned away from him, unable to let him see the choice I had already made written plainly on my face.

“Ah, perhaps you can surprise the Elder One after all.” Dorian said lightly, but I continued to focus on what I was about to do. I closed my eyes as I heard Cullen rally the Inquisition to head out the back onto the secret path that the Chancellor knew of.

“Herald…” I looked up at the chancellor as Dorian draped the man’s arm over his shoulder. “If you are meant for this, if the _Inquisition_ is meant for this…then I pray for you.” And Dorian led him away, to lead the others to safety. A few soldiers ran out of the Chantry doors, and I finally stood up to stand face to face with Cullen as he approached me again.

“They’ll load the trebuchets. Keep the Elder One’s attention until we’re above the treeline.” I couldn’t have admired him more then in that moment. He knew we were all probably going to die, yet he was still giving orders, trying his best to remain calm because he knew he had to be. I couldn’t help but smile softly at him, even as Cassandra, Varric, and Solas informed us they’d be staying with me. I looked at my small group of friends; I closed my eyes briefly, nodding at the three of them before looking at Cullen. Trying his best to remain calm because he knew he had to be. I couldn’t help but smile softly at him, even as Cassandra, Varric, and Solas informed us they’d be staying with me. I looked at my small group of friends; I sighed, nodding at the three of them before looking at Cullen. “If we are to have a chance-if _you_ are to have a chance, make sure that _thing_ hears you.” Despite the pain in my leg, the blood on my hands, on my armor, I suddenly ran up to him, placing a light, chaste kiss on the side of his mouth, near his scar.

“Ma nuvenin, ma serannas.” I whispered, knowing I would always remember how his stubble felt under my lips, how his smell had filled my senses despite the smoke and the fire, how he stared at me with such a mix of emotion I couldn’t help but laugh lightly at him. “Now go.” And with that I turned and ran out of the Chantry doors, drawing my daggers as I did so.

 

 

-.-.-.-.-.

 

 

“Fuck the cold.” I muttered, holding my arms close to my sides as I stole through the dark, icy tunnels I had found myself in. “Fuck spirits. Fuck Coryphe-fucking magister darkspawn piece of shit. Fuck the wind-“ a new string of curses tumbled from my mouth as I left the shelter of the tunnel and collapsed, quite suddenly, onto an endless plain of snow. “Snow. It _had_ to be snow. He couldn’t have had _tropical_ magic that covered the mountains in white sand and warm- _fire!_ ” I rushed as hurriedly as I could towards a glow in the distance, only to discover it was a cart that was somehow still burning. “So fuck that guy, fuck this, fuck the sky…” it wasn’t hard to realize that muttering incessantly to myself was a good way to stay awake and motivate myself to keep walking _against_ the wind, _into_ the storm, _through_ freshly fallen snow.

 

No matter how many times I replayed it in my head as I continued forward, it was still hard to wrap my head around what had happened. We were dealing with a thousand year old magister, who wants to be a god, who has a fucking ARCH DEMON as a pet, the Anchor-thingy-mark wasn't from Andraste's flaming ass, I brought down a mountain on myself, I somehow survived, and now I had to find what was left of the Inquisition. I had to. I took a moment to lean against one of the many trees that surrounded me in the white snowstorm. My legs were numb; I was thankful for that, at least. I was thinking it ironic now how Cassandra and I had talked only moments before the attack, thinking it was 'too easy'. Jinxed the shit out of that one.

“Stumble…from the…ashes…” I breathed into the air as I heard a wolf howling in the night. _Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck._ _Fan. Fucking. Tastic._ I thought, cursing. I began to walk again, using the hand with the mark-no, the Anchor-to light the way. “Lost…enigmas…in….the dust…” I was breathing the words of a song I had heard in a pub in Redcliffe. For some reason, the song had stuck with me.

“I…cannot remember…” I pushed on through the snow. Climbing. “Though…they tell me…” my knees sank halfway into the snow now. “That I must…” And Cullen. Who gave Cullen the right to be so gallant? To look miserable and happy and confused all at the same time when I had kissed him? Dread Wolf take me, that was probably going to be the extent of any lovemaking we could have had.

 

My hair was frozen to my face; my lips blistered and bleeding from the wind or a wound, I couldn’t tell anymore. 

“Hold on…” I could barely whisper anymore, walking away from a campsite that had just had slightly warm embers left. “Hold on…to what you….fight…for…” Still with the stupid song in my head. But it kept me moving. At least I could see now, I thought. “Hold on…” I pulled myself along the side of the mountain using every bit of strength I had left. How long had I walked…? I saw the lights in the distance.

“Maker. Creators.” My voice was hardly there. “Whoever…it is…I tried…” and with that, I felt my knees give out right as I heard the shouting, as the world went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lines from the song she's singing is actually from a song called "Hold On", by Miracle of Sound, on youtube. It is an amazing video about Dragon Age, and the lyrics are in tune to the game and it's so awesome and amazing and inspirational I mean come on I love it.
> 
> Anyway. Love y'all. :) Happy New Year's!
> 
> ....annnnnnnd I may have snuck a quote stolen from "Frozen" in there. DON'T JUDGE ME MY DAUGHTER IS A YEAR AND A HALF YEARS OLD OKAY


	8. Skyhold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of Haven...

I walked back to camp after having spoken with Solas. I was sore; my body ached everywhere, especially where I had been stabbed, cut, thrown quite forcibly against a trebuchet, fallen into an icy cave. Everywhere hurt. But seeing everyone that I had worked with, whether I personally knew them or not, come together like that, even if they raised me up to a god I didn’t believe in, it touched me. I felt a resoluteness stirring inside; tomorrow we would begin the walk.

“Elia!” suddenly I was in a hug, and I looked down at the dwarf hugging me. I couldn’t help but hug Varric back. It was a short lived hug though. “I’m not much of a hugger.” He said, shrugging. I smiled.

“It’s alright Varric-“

“Don’t _ever_ do that again.” He said, cutting me off, unusually serious. By the Creators, he looked awful. I'm sure we all did.

“You’ll have to be more specific than that.” I said dryly, not really in the mood for being lectured.

“Scaring the piss out of everyone.” He said, leading me towards a fire. The general mood of everyone seemed to have lightened considerably after they had sung that song.

“Well, I don’t know if I’ll be able to do that.” I said quietly, sinking down onto a makeshift stool, warming myself by the fire. “Coryphe-what’s his face is really interested in seeing me dead.” Varric, Cassandra, and Solas had run after I had shouted at them to. I thought it would have been the last time I would see them, but thankfully I was wrong. I had a new soft spot for all of them though. Near death experiences do that to people.

“So. Any new developments with Chuckles?” Varric asked, and my face shot up, cheeks burning.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Varric.” I grumbled. Varric leaned in closer, nudging me with his elbow.

“Oh come on, nothing? Not even the way he stole you away right after everyone finished singing?” his voice was begging me to reveal something. I huffed, pursing my lips.

“I _admire_ Solas. He is a teacher, and knows so much about things that people normally don’t…” I trailed off, seeing Solas walk back into camp, seemingly just sliding in and out of the shadows before he disappeared from my sight.

“’Things that people normally don’t’, huh?” Varric caught that before I could. I groaned.

“I swear-“

“Oh come on. You haven’t made up with Curly yet, have you?” Varric raised an eyebrow at me.

“Curly…?” I had no idea who he was talking about.

“Your Commander who carried you back into camp, who stayed by your side until you woke…?” Varric trailed off as if it was obvious he had meant Cullen. I felt something churn in my stomach.

“Cullen…” my voice was quiet, staring into the flames. Varric put his hand on my shoulder, and I looked at him.

“Elia, listen-“

“There you are!” Cassandra came up to us, and I couldn’t tell if she was angry or worried or both. “Herald, come with me.” She commanded, and I looked at Varric, who only shrugged. I sighed in resignation as I stood up, with more effort than probably should have taken. Cassandra and Varric noticed, as both went to help me stand. “You need to rest.” Cassandra’s voice was firm.

“I agree with the Seeker.” Varric’s voice came from my side, and I merely nodded.

“Rest…” I muttered, simply following Cassandra as she helped me walk towards…wherever. She led me into a tent, where it seemed a bit warmer than it had outside, and she instructed me to sit down on the cot while she went and got Vivienne and Solas to administer some more healing spells. I felt exhausted. No small wonder, either.

“Elia.” His voice sent a chill through me, and I slowly turned my head to look at Cullen, who stood in the entryway of the tent. There were dark bags under his eyes, his hair unkempt. But I felt a gentle warmth spread through my stomach as I smiled at him gently.

“Cullen.” I said softly, and he walked over to me, sitting on one of the stools next to the cot I was sitting on. It was silent as I searched for something to say. He hadn’t said anything; he merely sat on the stool, his eyes on the ground, his brow furrowed, unsmiling. His hands were clenched, his shoulders hunched. He looked dreadful.

“I’m sorry.” His voice cracked as he spoke, still not looking at me.

“What for?” I was confused; what could he be sorry for?

“I should have-oh Maker.” He released a sigh, shuddering as he did so, rubbing his hands together. “I should have _stayed_ , with you. I should have made you leave with them-“

“Cullen, please.” I reached out, placing a hand on both of his shaking ones. He finally looked at me, his honey brown eyes searching mine. “I stayed because I had to.” My voice was quiet, and I shifted, moving slightly closer to him, taking both of his hands into mine. I felt the blush spreading, and so I stared down at his hands to avoid his intense gaze.

“You were _injured_ , you could barely walk-“

“Corypheus wanted _me_.” I said sternly, meeting his gaze again. “He wanted the Anchor. This- _thing_ on my hand. He would have thrown you aside, like he did everyone else.” I sighed; it was my turn to shudder. I closed my eyes for a moment before looking at Cullen again. “The Envy demon showed me what could happen. I…” my voice cracked, but I held the tears back as I searched Cullen’s eyes for some of the feeling I had seen when I had kissed him before I ran off to my certain doom. I swallowed. “I couldn’t let anyone else make that decision. It had to be me.” He dropped his gaze, loosening his hold on my hands, but I simply squeezed a little bit tighter. “You helped inspire me, Cullen.” I whispered, leaning in closer. “I saw the Commander of the Inquisition, taking charge, giving orders, making sure we were all safe.” His eyes met mine again, and despite myself a tear had slipped down my cheek, unbidden. He freed a hand and reached up to wipe the tear away, and I felt myself lean into his hand.

“Elia…?” his voice was a question, low. I knew my face had to be dark crimson, but I didn’t particularly care. His eyes kept searching mine, and I felt my throat go dry. It seemed we both leaned in a little bit more, and I began to close my eyes as his eyes seemed to glance nervously between my lips and my eyes. I could feel his breath on my face-

“I am completely capable of healing her by myself, thank you.” We jumped away from each other as we heard Vivienne’s voice right outside of the tent.

“We have a long trek ahead-“Solas, Vivienne, and Mother Giselle entered the tent one after the other. I closed my eyes, deciding now would be a good time to lie down, ignoring the fluttering in my chest, the pounding of my heart, the heat on my cheeks. “She must be ready for it. We all must.” Solas’ voice was calm, collected, like he always was. I opened my eyes briefly to see Cullen still sitting next to me, my hand still in his. I smiled.

 

-.-.-.-.

 

[CULLEN]

 

He had almost kissed the Herald of Andraste. His heart was still racing as Vivienne, Solas, and Mother Giselle argued amongst themselves. Elia had lain down, still holding his hand. He wasn’t going to take it away from her either. She was already a slip of a person; especially being an elf. Yet now, after everything that had happened…

“ _Enough_!” Cullen snapped at the two mages, who immediately stopped talking as he glowered at them. “For the love of Andraste, just _heal_ _her together and stop bickering about it._ ” He growled, and Solas inclined his head; Vivienne had the audacity to at least shut her mouth. He didn’t care if she was some grand emperial enchanter: the Herald needed help. She may have woken up but she still needed rest. Vivienne sat down opposite him, beginning to work her magic on the Herald. Elia’s eyes fluttered for a moment before he felt the grip on his hand loosen as she fell asleep. He couldn’t help but feel his gut clench at how peaceful she looked.

“Commander Cullen, if you would.” He looked up at the elven apostate, surprised. He hadn’t hardly spoken to Solas at all since Solas had joined them. But he stood up, slowly releasing Elia’s hand, and followed Solas out of the tent, the warmth leaving his hand already, to step outside where Cassandra, Leliana, and Josephine waited.

“We must move at first light.” Solas addressed all of them; something he _definitely_ wasn’t used to.

“And who put you in charge?” Cassandra asked, crossing her arms as she glared at him. Solas ignored her.

“I have told the Herald of a place where we can regroup; rebuild. She will address all of you once she reawakens.”

“What do you mean-“

“We’ve already decided to make her Inquisitor,” Leliana cut Cassandra off. “If the Herald trusts Solas, we should _all_  trust him.” She cast a forceful glare at Cassandra, who looked around, obviously outnumbered, and sighed, conceding.

“Solas…” Josephine’s voice was almost small, as quiet as she was, when she spoke up. “How…bad is she?” A gentle smile graced the elf’s features.

“Considering all that she faced, it could have been immeasurably worse.” He said, clasping his hands behind his back. “Between Mother Giselle, myself, Vivienne, and even the Commander-“ Cullen felt his face heat up as everyone looked at him. “She should be right as rain by morning.” Solas smirked at him in a knowing way before he went back inside the tent, leaving him alone to the knowing smiles of the three women.

“ _What_?!” he growled, turning away swiftly before anyone could say anything to him, ignoring the giggles that erupted behind him.

 

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

 

[ELIA]

 

As far as Cullen and I went, my romantic feelings could wait. Waking up the following morning after the attack on Haven, I had no idea how they had done it, but I didn’t care; I felt fantastic, and I made sure everyone knew it. Even if every time I shot Cullen a smile he would turn red and look away or not acknowledge me at all. He was confusing me; he says no, but almost kisses me, then ignores me? And it wasn’t just a shemlen thing either. I would have it all sorted out after we made it to wherever we were going. I was…irritatingly positive, to say the least.

Solas’ words echoed in my mind continuously as we trudged on. _By attacking the Inquisition, Corypheus has changed it. Changed you. Scout to the north, be their guide. There is a place that waits for a force to hold it. There is a place where the Inquisition can build…grow…_

We come over a rise, Solas and I. We had almost been joined at the hip for the last week. Even though everyone thought that _I_ was leading them, at this point, it was really Solas, because I was completely relying on him at this point.

“Gods, Solas, how much farther? I don’t know if we’ll be able to contain the grumbling-“ I asked, before he stopped me.

“Lethallan, do you trust me?” he had a mischievous sparkle in his eyes that under any normal circumstances, I would have said no.

“You know I do.” I said quietly. Then, he simply inclined his head to just up the hill (I say hill; mountain pass, pass between two huge mountains more like a hill, you get the idea). Curious, I stepped ahead of him, and my steps slowed to a stop at the view in front of me. Solas was next to me then, obviously pleased at my amazement. “Solas…this is…”

“Skyhold.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Try reading that last part with Elia with the music that they play when you see Skyhold for the first time in the background.
> 
> Kind of awesome.  
> Anyway. This is a filler...a necessary filler, but I hate fillers...  
> At least there's some more unexpected sexual tension! I make it up as I go. -sheepish grin-


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to Skyhold.
> 
> ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured we'd start off with a little bit of info from the Codex, and than see how we feel after that.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy, I rather enjoyed writing this chapter. Taking a few twists on some scenes we're all familiar with. ;D
> 
> Also, I have a picture of Elia Lavellan~!  
> Please take a look if you're interested; I think it does great justice to the long haired look we don't get in the games.
> 
> [Inquisitor Lavellan](http://emerald-dragoness.deviantart.com/art/Inquisitor-Lavellan-504626157) by [emerald-dragoness](http://emerald-dragoness.deviantart.com/) on [DeviantArt](http://www.deviantart.com)

_Known as Tarasyl’an Te’las (“the place where the sky is kept” or, more specifically, “the place where the sky was held back”) in ancient elvish. Skyhold is a fortress located in the stretch of the Frostbacks near the Dales, within the territory of Orlais._

Words could not describe Skyhold. It was _huge_. Sure, it had fallen into ruin and decay, and bridges were out in random parts of the keep, there were huge holes in the roof (and some walls), nesting animals, such as it were, but there was also something else. It was old; very old, and I couldn’t help but feel as if there was magic ingrained in the very roots of the stones that held the magnificent fortress together.

Josephine and Leliana had informed me I was to have residence in the upper level of the fortress.

 Alone.

Basically in the sky.                                                    

By myself.

Regardless of how isolated I was to be, I ran up the steps to where I would be sleeping.

“They have certainly spared no expense…” I muttered, taking in the huge room with windows on every side but the far back wall where a bed was posted against the wall. It was very chilly up here, despite the fire burning in the hearth. I noticed that a seemingly new desk sat in the far corner, and I walked over to it, noticing some plans to help improve the appearance of Skyhold. I left them there, making a mental note to file away in the abyss of my mind to search for quarries and logging sites.

“Whoa.” I had never been so high up before; sure, I had traversed mountains and whatnot, but this seemed to be in the center of the mountains, higher than the farthest peaks that I could see. I stepped out onto one of my balconies, my hair being blown into my face by the wind. I squinted for a moment, but then really took in the view. The view I was looking out upon was simply magnificent.

The moment was broken by raised voices being carried up on the wind. I thought I recognized Cassandra, and Vivienne. I groaned; this couldn’t be good. I decided my room could wait; I rushed back down the steps, out into the main hall. We had only been here a couple of days; I had been pronounced Inquisitor, and repairs had gone underway. However, there was still a good bit of rubble in the main hall, so when I suddenly fell down flat on my face after tripping over something, I wasn’t surprised. The stone floor rushed up quickly, and I threw my hands out to keep my face from smacking it. However, I was caught by someone; someone strong.

“Oh thank you, it’s all this rubble…”

“I would have to agree, although looking where you’re going might help.” Came the snarky reply. I looked up to find myself in the arms of the mage that had warned us in Haven; Dorian. I felt the heat rush to my cheeks.

‘Yeah…that might help…” I said sheepishly, glancing around, hoping no one had seen the Inquisitor almost fall flat on her face. Dorian simply smirked, and I jumped out of his arms, realizing I had been leaning into him. He had _almost_ the same kind of build as Cullen; perhaps not as buff (and Cullen was _built_ -the man had to hold back when we had sparred too), but attractively toned nevertheless. I coughed, catching myself staring at him as he quirked an eyebrow. “Sorry about that. Thanks for catching me.”

“Not at all, my dear lady.” Dorian waved his hand. “It’s probably a good thing we ran into each other, I haven’t actually seen you since everyone got together and had a pow-wow in the mountains. You and that Solas fellow have been spending a lot of time together.” And the blush intensified.

“Why does everyone think Solas and I-“I paused; my shoulders sinking and my ears going flat as I stared grouchily at Dorian. “It’s because we’re both elves, huh.”

“That would usually be the first guess.” He chuckled, winking at me. I stuck out my lower lip; what is it with being surrounded by attractive men that made me lose my train of thought? “Brilliant, isn’t it?”

“What is?” I was confused.

“One minute you’re trying to restore order in a world gone mad. That should be enough for anyone to handle, yes?” I motioned for him to walk with me, and he did so; we started walking towards the open doors of the keep. “Then, out of nowhere, an _archdemon_ appears and kicks you in the head.” Despite myself, I was smiling-of course he was referring to Haven. The way he was talking about it though, made it seem hilarious. “’What?! You thought this would be easy?!’” his mock surprise actually made me giggle, and Dorian took that as encouragement to keep going as we headed down the stairs of the keep, almost being blinded by the sun. “’No, I was just hoping you wouldn’t crush our village like an anthill’. ‘Sorry about that, archdemons like to crush, you know. Can’t be helped.’ Am I speaking too quickly for you?” he suddenly asked, and I just smiled.

“Ha, you shouldn’t worry about me, Dorian.” Making a point to let him know I hadn’t forgotten his name. “I can keep up.” We stopped at the foot of the stairs; I was still trying to figure out where the arguing was coming from, as it was considerably louder.

“Yes, I noticed that.” Was his reply. “I had always assumed that the ‘Elder One’ behind the Venatori was a magister…but this.” He shuddered visibly. “This is something else entirely.” He folded his arms, his handsome face contorted in thought. “In Tevinter, they saw the Chantry’s tales of magisters starting the Blights were just that: stories.” He seemed quite upset about the revelation he had uncovered. His chocolate brown eyes met mine; even though I hadn’t really had a chance to talk to him before now, I felt like he and I were going to get along quite well. “But here we are. One of those very magisters. A darkspawn.”

“I take it from the way you’re speaking that you’re from Tevinter?” I asked quietly, and one of his eyebrows shot up.

“Whatever gave me away?” he asked innocently.

“Oh just how well dressed and handsome you are; also that you speak as if you’re from the Imperium helps.” I said smirking, and that earned me a laugh.

“I am quite handsome, aren’t I?” I rolled my eyes, a smile still on my face. “Yes well…”

“Why does Corypheus being one of the magisters that broke into the Golden City make you angry?” I asked, ignoring the people passing by us; some shooting Dorian dirty looks.

“Because the Imperium is my home.” He said it with such _emotion_ , that I couldn’t help but feel bad about Corypheus being from the Imperium for a moment. Just a moment. “I knew what I was taught couldn’t be the _whole_ truth…but I had assumed there had to be a kernel of it somewhere.”

“Know what I’ve learned?” I asked.

“What is that?” he inclined his head politely.

“Assuming makes an ass out of you and me. You shouldn’t do it.”

“So I’ve learned.” Dorian’s mouth twitched upward in a smile. “But no. It was us, all along. We destroyed the world.” I reached out and put a hand on Dorian’s arm, doing my best to ignore the obvious looks some of the soldiers were giving us.

“Last I checked, the world is still here.” I said, motioning to the keep around us.

“Not for lack of trying.” Dorian seemed intent on being upset on this matter, so I let him be. His gaze met mine once more. “I have no intention of letting Corypheus win. Not at least without _someone_ from Tevinter standing against him. It would have been nice if you had helped stopped Alexius, but that’s not how things went. So be it. If it’s all the same to you…I’d like to stay and join the Inquisition.” I blinked.

“Dorian Pavus…” I said, smiling, “The Inquisition would be honored to have you. Also-“I stopped him before he could reply. “Thank you. For Haven.” I added quietly. Dorian smiled sadly at me.

“I did what I could.”

“I know. You helped save all of us though. _I_ definitely won’t forget that.” I said, casting a knowing glance at the people who thought they were being discreet about listening into our conversation.

“No one else will thank me, no matter what happens. No one will thank you either. You know that, yes?” he asked, taking a step back up the steps, signaling that the conversation was almost over. I couldn’t help but shrug.

“I’m not doing it for their thanks.” I said simply, and Dorian smiled.

“I _knew_ there was something clever about you.” He said lightly. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to see if I can’t find anything worth reading in that dusty library in the rotunda.” He made to head up the steps before he paused, turning again to look at me. “Oh, and uh, congratulations on being made Inquisitor, by the way.” Then he continued back into the keep. I smiled to myself; Dorian was going to be interesting.

“But what _is_ he?” I heard Cassandra ask angrily from further down; I groaned, remembering why I had come all the way down here. I headed under the stairs, and down _more_ stairs, to see Cassandra, Vivienne, and Solas standing in a semi-circle, obviously at odds about something. I noticed Cole sitting in the dirt by the stairs, kind of…playing in it. Apparently they were arguing over Cole.

“This thing is not a stray puppy you can make into a pet. It has no business being here.” Vivienne’s voice was stiff, her arms crossed. Obviously she was not approving of Cole.

“Wouldn’t you say the same of an apostate?” Solas countered. Ohhh snap. Vivienne didn’t respond, noticing that I had walked up their little group.

“Inquisitor.” Cassandra turned to me. “I had wondered if Cole was a mage, given his unusual abilities.”

“He can cause people to forget him, or fail entirely to notice him. These are not the abilities of a mage; it would seem that Cole is a spirit.” Solas said, clasping his hands behind his back (which I noticed he seemed to do a lot when he was controlling a silent desire to throttle someone-probably Vivienne in this case).

“It is a demon.” Vivienne’s voice was firm, avoiding my gaze. Everybody knew I would stand up for Cole.

“If you prefer.” Solas’ sass would be the end of me. “However the truth is somewhat more complex.”

“Coe helped me escape the Envy demon.” I said, exasperated. “I already said he could stay. Why is this even an issue?”

“That was before we knew what it was.” Came Vivienne’s curt reply. “Honoring deals with demons is a swift path to an early grave.”

“Solas, please explain this to me-to all of us, if you can.” I knew I wasn’t a mage; I wasn’t about to argue about demons with them either. But I knew Cole wanted to help, and whatever he was, I was completely okay with that.

“Demons normally enter this world by possessing something. In their true form, they appear monstrous.” The countless demons I’ve slaughtered in the last few months dashed through my head; monstrous was right.

“But Cole looks like a young man. Is it possession?” Cassandra asked.

“No.” Solas actually sounded surprised. “He has possessed nothing and no one, and yet he appears human in all respects.” Solas turned to me. “Cole is unique, Inquisitor. More than that, he wishes to help. I suggest you allow him to do so.” I snorted, as if my answer wasn’t already obvious.

“Weeeeelllllllllllllll…” I said, stretching my arms behind my back, twisting so I stretched a little bit, pretending to think about what I was going to say. “I’ll go talk to him, see what he has to say for himself…” I trailed off, but before anyone else could say anything, a bunch of shouting erupted at the entrance of the keep, and the heavy gates were lifted, creaking and clanking loudly in the echoing of the valley surrounding us. “What’s going on?” I asked, but Solas merely raised an eyebrow at me, while Cassandra and Vivienne were also interested in what was going on.

“I’ll leave you to it then, Inquisitor.” Solas’ said, bowing slightly before heading up the stairs behind us. I moved forward to see what in the name of the Creator’s was going on, but then I heard the thundering of hooves, and before I knew it all of our mounts from Haven were pouring into the courtyard, to shouts and nickering and the sudden flurry of horses rushing into the small space.

“Alright, get out of the way!” I heard Cullen’s voice long before I saw him. He was shouting orders at everyone who was doing nothing, and no one was going to tell the Commander of the Inquisition no. The horses were corralled, herded off to the side of the keep where a stable was being constructed. And then, I saw him.

Cassandra had to forcibly elbow me in the stomach before my mouth shut. The Commander was atop a great black horse I hadn’t seen before, and he was _shirtless_. I could see the sheen of sweat reflecting off his body as he sat atop the horse, barking orders here and there. Despite myself, I was drinking in his appearance, trying to memorize how his body looked. He was built. By the Creators, was he built. He had scars covering his torso, some more faded than others but still, it seemed there were many. He had a particularly nasty looking one running down his left side, but it was hard to tell from the way his eight pack distracted me. It was if he was pure muscle (which, I’m sure he was/is), and every time he moved, it was like a glorious symphony as his muscles moved with him. Then there was the fact that his hair was unkempt, no doubt from riding, and that right now he _was_ the Commander of the Inquisition, and he commanded respect from everyone.

“So that’s where he’s been…” I muttered, and Cassandra looked at me.

“You’re the one who okayed the order to send him off to get them.” She said, and I glanced up at her, shuffling my feet.

“…..”

“You forgot, didn’t you?”

“I was _busy,_ distracted-“

“Distracted by how handsome our Commander is?” Vivienne chimed in, and I hid my face in my hands.

“Yes-I mean no-“

“Maker’s breath Inquisitor, you’re just as bad as he is.” Cassandra said, turning to leave.

“Inquisitor.” Vivienne bowed slightly, leaving as well, leaving me alone in the wake of Cullen’s undeniably attractive self.

“Inquisitor! There you are!” a soldier came up to me, and I welcomed the distraction from staring at Cullen like he was a piece of meat. “The Commander wishes to speak with you immediately.”

“I-immediately?” I swallowed, earning a confused look from the soldier. “I-I mean, of course. Lead on.” I said, my heart hammering in my chest.

“This way, your worship.” The soldier led me towards what I knew to be the room where they lowered and raised the gates; at least where all the fancy equipment to do so was.

“Send men to scout the area, again.” Cullen’s voice drew closer, and I kept my eyes determinedly on the back wall of the room. “We need to know what’s out there.” I heard him enter the small room, but I wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of knowing I had been ogling him.

“Yes ser.” I heard some soldiers scuttle away.

“Commander,” someone else came up to him almost immediately; I took a glance to my right. He had thrown a shirt on, thank the Creators. He still looked….amazing. “Temporary quarters have been assigned whilst you were away.”

“Good. I’ll need an update on the armory as well.” There was a pause as the soldier stood there, not really sure if he should leave. “ _Now._ ” And the soldier scuttled off; I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Do you ever sleep?” I asked him, leaning against the wall. Creators I wanted to kiss him so badly. It’d be perfect, to just run over and jump him-

“We set up as best we could at Haven.” Cullen shut the door, effectively isolating us from anyone trying to speak to either one of us. “But we never could have prepared for an Archdemon…” his hand reached up to the back of his neck, as it so often did when he was nervous. “Or whatever it was. With some warning…” he trailed off, finally meeting my eyes. I smiled softly at him.

“Cullen…”

“If Corypheus strikes again, we may not be able to withdraw.” He turned away from me, and I finally noticed how _tired_ he looked. I had a feeling he _wasn’t_ sleeping. “And I wouldn’t want to.” He turned back to me, determination lighting his eyes up. “We must be ready.” He sighed. “Work on Skyhold has been underway. Guard rotations established, stone masons, glass workers, you name it, have been sent for. We should have everything thoroughly on course within the following week. We will _not_ run from here, Inquisitor.” I swallowed. _Where would we run to?_ Was of course what I was thinking. I had a feeling we wouldn’t be so lucky a second time if that happened.

“How many were lost?” I asked quietly, folding my arms, looking down at the ground. I heard Cullen shuffle his feet.

“Most of our people made it to Skyhold. It could have been worse.” I bit my lower lip; closing my eyes. The roar of the Archdemon echoed in my mind, the fires burning all around me- “Morale was low, but has improved greatly since you accepted the role of Inquisitor.” He finished, and I looked up at him, giving him a half smile. He had taken a few steps to move closer to me.

“Inquisitor Lavellan.” I sighed, leaning on the wall still. It felt immeasurably cool compared to how I felt at the moment. Being alone with Cullen, when he was already covered in sweat, I could see the outline of his muscles under his shirt (not that it was tight, quite the opposite. But you can’t help but notice how built he is)… “I’m not sure I’ll get used to it.” I joked, trying to ignore the growing butterfly feeling in my stomach. He laughed; his laugh was sexy too. Just…DAMN IT ALL WHY.

“Perhaps in time.” His eyes were laughing too as his gaze held mine. “You’ll do fine, Elia.” And the butterflies multiplied.

“Is that the official response?” I teased, and he chuckled.

“Perhaps. But it’s true.” His smile lingered on his face as he gazed at me. “We needed a leader, and you have proven yourself.” I couldn’t help but return his smile.

“Thank you Cullen.” I said softly. He gave me his signature smirk, Creator’s preserve me-I looked down for a moment before looking up again. “Our escape from Haven…it was close.” I heard my voice crack slightly, remembering how I had swiftly kissed him before running out to my inevitable death, how his stubble had felt under my lips…and I was intensely aware of how close he was standing to me. “I am just…so relieved, that you-that so many-“I quickly corrected myself, kicking myself in the head, “made it out.”

“As am I.” his voice was low as he gazed at me…but then the silence lengthened. And slowly grew awkward as neither of us said anything else. He had glanced off to the side, as if he was thinking about saying something else, but then I slowly began to move towards the door. I had opened it and almost stepped outside when he stopped me, grabbing my arm.

“Elia.” I looked up at him, surprised, my heart pounding in my chest. “You stayed behind. You could have-I thought you-“I tried to search his eyes, but it seemed like he was still holding back. “I will not allow the events at Haven to happen again.” His voice was low, and I felt my face burn as his eyes pored holes into mine. “You have my word.” I smiled softly at him.

“Thank you.” It came out as a whisper, and I quickly freed myself from his grasp and walked off as fast as I could without appearing like I was fleeing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I discovered pictures of a shirtless Cullen. Astride a horse.
> 
> Needless to say, the last scene of this chapter with the horses was inspired by it.  
> Sorry, I can't handle how gorgeous a fictional character is. /no shame/


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the record: I'm terrible at chess. I've never won a game.

 

_Kirkwall’s Alienage is the alienage of the elves of Kirkwall. Every night the City Guard closes a great iron gate at the entrance to the Alienage. Yet, despite their poverty, the elves still take comfort in the fact that they are not as bad off the residents of Darktown._

“Hopefully they’ll grow.” I muttered, wiping my hands on the sides of my pants as I stood up. Josephine had ignored my pleas for something casual and not so tight; her idea of ‘not tight’ was very tight. So I had these pristine tan clothes to wear that completely showed off every curve of my body under the fabric, complete with shiny silver buttons. At least it was from my neck all the way down to my boots; But it was still uncomfortable to be in something that covered every inch of my skin that it could. Even if it was cold up at Skyhold, I wanted the freedom of having something besides ‘pale tan’ in my wardrobe. ‘Mud brown’ would suffice.

Be that as it were, I was doing my best to ruin the clothes I had (in an attempt to get what I wanted bwahaha). I had gone to the courtyard a week ago and discovered I could plant seeds that I had found in my journeys there. So, after an outing to Crestwood with Hawke, I had returned to Skyhold with plans to head out to the Western Approach soon, once our scouts returned with news of what awaited us there. At the moment, I had just finished planting a whole group of seeds; dawn lotus. I had kept the one flower I had found in the Fallow Mire before Haven had been destroyed (how it survived the trip to Skyhold was beyond me), and had spent the morning divvying up the seeds and trying to make sure the conditions were right for the rare flower to grow.

I was at the well, drawing water to wash my hands when I noticed a curious sight. Dorian and Cullen, playing chess in the gazebo. I tilted my head a bit, catching Dorian’s eye. Dorian’s eyes crinkled as he smiled, but otherwise ignored me as he and the commander continued their game. After I had washed the dirt from my hands, I decided I’d go investigate.

“Gloat all you like, but I have this one.” Cullen was saying as he moved another piece on the board. I smiled; it was…refreshing to see him outside of his office and the war room, doing something besides staring at maps and reports.

“Are you… _sassing_ me, Commander?” Dorian feigned surprise well. “I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“Why do I even-Inquisitor!” Cullen noticed me standing next to Dorian, making to stand up as he did so. I laughed lightly.

“Leaving, are you? Does this mean I win?” Dorian asked, watching Cullen as he sat back down slowly. Cullen returned his gaze to Dorian, with an annoyed expression on his face.

“Are my two favorite men in Skyhold playing nice?” I asked innocently.

“I’m _always_ nice.” Dorian said pointedly.

“I’ll tell that to the bandits in Crestwood next time we see them, alright?”

“You _used me_ as bait.”

“Oh hush, you deserved it after scaring the piss out of me with your necromancy shit.”

“I thought you knew.”

“Seeing a risen Rage demon does nothing for the heart, Dorian.”

“Such a light heart, yours must be. Right, Commander?” Dorian drew Cullen into our friendly squabble so easily, and I felt my face heat up as I realized I didn’t really want to talk about how light my heart might be with Cullen. Cullen raised an eyebrow, smirking, his gaze level with Dorian.

“Oh I doubt that. Your move, stop trying to distract me.” Dorian laughed as he leaned forward to assess the board.

“Damn, I had hoped our lovely Inquisitor might prove a useful distraction.” Dorian moved a piece. “You should just accept that I shall claim victory; you’ll feel much better.” Cullen’s smirk grew broader as he moved a piece.

“Really? Because I just won, and I feel fine.” There was a moment of silence as Dorian and I stared at the chess board, trying to see how Cullen had managed to win.

“Don’t get smug.” Dorian raised his hands in defeat before moving to stand up. “There will be no living with you.” I chuckled as Dorian walked by, winking at me. I punched him lightly on the arm before he could get away, shaking my head as I walked up to Cullen. He seemed so…relaxed.

“I should return to my duties as well…” then he looked at me, smiling. “Unless,” he gestured to the board. “You would like to play?” I smiled, heading to sit in the chair that Dorian had just vacated.

“Prepare the board, Commander.”

“As a child, I played this with my sister.” He continued to speak as we fixed the board. “She would get this stuck-up grin every time she won. Which was _all_ the time.” I couldn’t help but admire him while he talked so freely. “My brother and I practiced for weeks. The look on her face when I finally won…” but then his good natured-ness slowly disappeared from his face as he seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. “I wonder if she still plays…” his voice was quiet as he stared at the board, absentmindedly making the first move.

“You have siblings?” I pried, hoping to learn a bit more about my stoic commander.

“Two sisters and a brother.” He responded, his eyes shifting down to the board as I moved a piece.

“That’s wonderful!” I said, smiling at him. “Where are they now?”

“They moved to South Reach after the Blight. I…do not write them as often as I should.”

“Do you know if they’re safe, with everything that’s happening?” I asked gently.

“Yes. I did write them to let them know I was alive.” He said, chuckling lightly.

“Always a good thing to do.” I said as he made another move. I studied the board in comfortable silence for a moment.

“Do you have any family?” My body didn’t move, but my eyes shot up to meet Cullen’s. I didn’t answer immediately. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-“

“No no, it’s alright.” I said, relaxing. “Just…no one’s asked about my family.” Memories flashed through my mind quickly; not all of them good.

“I don’t mean to pry-“ Cullen seemed intent on apologizing, but I waved him off.

“Cullen, it’s alright.” I smiled at him. “Would it surprise you to learn I wasn’t born Dalish?” Cullen blinked.

“It would, actually. Leliana’s reports…” he trailed off as I made a move on the board.

“I hid my tracks quite well.” I said softly, remembering a long forgotten life. “It helps that I don’t tell everyone I meet about my past. It keeps things simpler that way.”

“So if you weren’t born Dalish…” Cullen trailed off, his gaze intent on the board.

“Actually, I was born in the alienage of Kirkwall.” _That_ got his attention. He looked up at me, surprise written all over his face. “My father worked in the Bone Pit, the same one that Hawke took ownership of right before the uprising at the Gallows. He had been indentured as a young boy, and he had just…stayed there. He always dreamed of a better life than what we had.”

“What about your mother?” Cullen moved a piece on the board, but his eyes were on me. I kept my gaze firmly on the board as my heart swelled up in my chest at this tidbit of information I was about to spill.

“She was a courtesan, at the Blooming Rose.” I said quietly, looking anywhere but Cullen’s face, trying to gauge his reaction. “I spent the first several years of my life there, with the other children of the whores.” I did my best to keep my face a mask. “Then my father happened upon my mother one day in Lowtown. He fell in love with her, and convinced her to marry him, even though I was with her. We moved out of the Blooming Rose into the Alienage after that. Mamae couldn’t have any more children after me, that’s why I had no siblings.” It was all just spilling out; I couldn’t stop talking. “I wanted better than what the Alienage could offer. I wanted my freedom from poverty.”

“How did you end up with the Dalish?” Cullen asked gently; I’m sure he could tell it was a very touchy subject for me.

“I became a criminal.” I said simply, moving another piece on the board. “Almost all of the Dalish hunt with bows; strange that I use daggers instead, right? Not really. I couldn’t hold a sword when I was twelve, but I could hold two daggers. I got mixed up with the wrong crowd early on. I helped smuggle lyrium into Kirkwall,” I saw Cullen tense up at that. That was a _big_ deal, especially since I knew he had been the Knight-Captain in Kirkwall for ten years. “Eventually, my crimes caught up with me. I fled the city.” Cullen very deliberately moved another piece on the board. “And Clan Lavellan found me. And here we are.”

“Here we are indeed.” Cullen’s voice was low, his eyes on the board.

“Are you upset?” I asked quietly, a knot forming in my stomach.

“A little.” He said briskly. “But…” his eyes met mine as he smirked. “Even Leliana doesn’t know that, does she?” The air I hadn’t known I’d been holding was suddenly let out, and I couldn’t help but laugh, feeling much better about having told him.

“I don’t think so. I left Kirkwall about six years ago; I’ve grown up a lot since then.” I said, winking at him. Cullen coughed suddenly, his cheeks red. I laughed again, making another move.

“So ah…what about the um…” Cullen gestured to his own face, and at first I didn’t understand.

“Oh. The vallaslin?” I touched the markings under my eyes. “It’s called blood writing. The Dalish have them to remember the Creators, our gods who were sealed away by the Dread Wolf, Fen’Harel. I thought it fitting to honor Mythal, the goddess of Justice.” Cullen made another move.

“To show that you’ve mended your ways?” he asked, smirking. Now it was my turn to blush.

“Yes, actually. I’m the Inquisitor aren’t I? That’s a pretty good turn around, I think.” Cullen continued to smirk.

“I would have to agree.” The game passed in silence for a bit longer. After a while, Cullen spoke again.

“If you were raised in Kirkwall, do you not believe in the Maker or Andraste? Or do the elves in the Alienage try to remember their gods?” he asked softly. I had to think on it for a moment.

“It’s complicated.” I finally said. “I believe in that, I believe there’s something bigger out there than us. I try to honor my people by remembering what we’ve lost. I’m not a mage, so unlike Solas I can’t traverse the Fade in search of memories of the people. But if there’s a life better then what’s in the Alienage, and I know there is, I want to find it for my people. I don’t understand why humans and elves can’t live and work together. Why because my ears are pointy, I get spat on by strangers.”

“I’m sorry Elia, I didn’t mean…Maker’s breath, I mean-“

“Cullen, I wouldn’t tell you if I didn’t trust you.” I said gently. Cullen relaxed; leaning back a bit into his chair.

“You know, this is the longest we’ve gone without discussing the Inquisition-or related matters. To be honest…” he leaned forward a bit, and I could see the specks of darker brown permeating the light brown of his eyes. “I appreciate the distraction.” I felt my heart leap a bit.

“We should spent more time together.” I said quietly, keeping my eyes on his.

“I would like that.” I ducked my head down to try to hide the smile that broke out over my face at his words.

“Me too.” I said quietly, watching the board.

“You said that.” He said, just as quietly. “We should…finish our game. Right. My turn?” I smiled, nodding at him. All I could feel was how my heart was thudding against my chest. I had told him my dark, dirty secret that no one else in the Inquisition knew, and he hadn’t cast me off or laughed about it or worse, called me a liar. I hadn’t lied, just no one had asked…

About half an hour later, Cullen leaned back into his chair, his arms resting on the arm rests, looking incredibly smug about something.

“Well, I believe the game is mine.” His voice sent a shiver down my spine, making butterflies erupt in my stomach.

“Wait, what?” I leaned forward, analyzing the board. How did he-

“Dorian cheats at this as well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of boring chapter since it's just chess, but I think it shows an interesting backstory for our superb, flawless Inquisitor.
> 
> And the plot thickens. Bwahaha.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares and confessions.

I was walking between the columns of the hall, mist swirling around me. The frozen bodies of the poor souls killed in the explosion at the Conclave were littered in front of me, their expressions of terror frozen on their faces, little pits of fire burning in the eye sockets, and in the mouths. I was fully armored; my whole body tensed, my daggers in my hands as I carefully made my way forward. I couldn’t see past the columns on either side; everything was veiled in the mist. I looked to my left, then to my right, and suddenly in front of me were Cullen and Josephine.

“Is this shape useful?” a sinisterly feminine voice drawled out, and I saw Leliana walk towards me. Only it wasn’t Leliana. “Will it let me know you?” My gaze flitted to Cullen and Josephine. They were both standing there, stock still, eyes staring past me into something in the distance.

“Cullen? Josie?” I asked tentatively, but I received no response.

“Everything tells me about you.” Leliana walked up to Cullen, whose head had slumped forward onto his chest, as if he were a doll.

“Don’t.” I growled, stepping forward. Leliana pulled Cullen’s head back, a knife at his throat.

“You care for him. He will be the way through which I will wear your face.” Leliana sneered, slitting his throat.

“ _No!”_ I ran forward, catching him as he fell, blood gushing out onto me. I tried to stop the bleeding. “ _No! Cullen!_ ” Cullen didn’t even react, he just bled out onto me, blood sticking to my hands, his blood coating my armor before his body vanished into the mist and suddenly Josephine jerked me to my feet.

“ _Glory_ is coming.” Josephine sneered with a voice that was hers and yet not hers. “And the Elder One wants you to serve him like everyone else: by dying in the right way.”

“Keep talking then, demon.” I hissed, and Josephine turned and walked away. I turned to watch her leave but she wasn’t there anymore.

“I am not your toy.” Cullen’s mutilated voice chilled me to the bone. I turned and saw him, standing there as if I hadn’t just seen him bleed out.

“Cullen, please-“ I went to him, searching his eyes, but he laughed coldly, shoving me away.

“I am _ENVY_ , and I will know you!” he snarled, and I backed up, trying to register what was going on. “Tell me, _Herald,_ what you feel.”

“This is not real.” I muttered. I looked down, the blood still on my person. “This isn’t happening. I _killed_ you!”

“No.” I jumped, spinning around as Cullen was suddenly behind me. His eyes bore into mine, the honey gold of his eyes capturing me. “I will kill you.” I found I couldn’t move my legs, and I began to panic as he closed the distance between us. “I will kill you intimately, slowly.” He was in front of me, and his always gauntleted hand grabbed my face, forcing me to stare up at him, unable to move. “Did you think I could love you? A Dalish elf? A social pariah? The stolen glances, the small touches, did you think you meant _anything_ to me?” he sneered, and he shoved me to the ground, drawing his sword as he did so.

“Piss off, Cullen.” I spat, and that earned me a cruel, wicked laugh from the man who stood over me with his sword.

“You’d like that.” His voice was chilling; and he reached down to grab me, but then-

“ _FUCK!”_ I yelled, sitting upright in my bed in Skyhold. I was sweating; my sheets had been tossed to the side. I shivered, realizing I had left my doors open to my balconies. I swore again, getting out of bed and throwing on a robe Josephine had given me. I was awake; I might as well walk around, try to shake off the memories of the nightmare. I fit my belt on over my robe, strapping my daggers to them. I opted to go barefoot, preferring to feel the cold of the stone to let me know I wasn’t trapped in some ridiculous nightmare with the Envy demon again. I had to get out onto the battlements, to walk around and feel the night air whipping against me.

I rushed down the stairs from my chambers to the main hall of Skyhold. The fire was still burning  tcv  
in the hearth where Varric usually sat at, a book open in front of him, accompanied by a mug of ale. A 32drink sounded like a great thing right now. But I pressed on, turning into the rotunda where Solas was asleep on his duvet, and I turned to go out the door to the right. I welcomed the blast of cold air that hit me in the face, and I hugged myself as I lightly jogged across the bridge. Skyhold was so quiet at night. I saw the torches of soldiers making their rounds on the battlements, and I felt safer knowing we constantly had a watch. It seemed unlikely anyone could attack us here, but after Haven…

Memories of staring down the false Archdemon and Corypheus flitted through my mind.

_I have gazed upon the throne of the gods, and it was empty_. His voice echoed in my ears, but the echo was quickly carried away on the breeze that sent my hair flying into my face. I hadn’t bothered putting it back up, so my hair cascaded down around my shoulders, reaching halfway down my back in rivulets. I brushed it out of my face as I reached the door to Cullen’s office. I figured he’d be asleep at this hour, so I didn’t bother knocking.

“Cullen!” I was startled to see him standing at his desk, staring at a small box on it. He jumped, obviously not expecting anyone at this hour.

“Inquisitor!” he sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t expect-I mean, I didn’t think anyone else would be awake at this hour.”

“It’s alright,” I said, walking over to his desk. “I…couldn’t sleep. Bad dreams.” I finished lamely. Cullen looked at me sympathetically.

“You too?” he asked quietly. He sighed, staring back down at the box on his desk. “As leader of the Inquisition…there’s something I must tell you.”

“You know you can talk to me Cullen.” I said gently, smiling at him. “I do consider us friends, you know.”

“R-right.” Cullen’s cheeks went a bit pink in the light of the candles, making me smile a bit more. “Thank you. Lyrium grants Templars our abilities.” He glanced down at the box on his desk. “But it controls us as well.” I leaned in, trying to evaluate how he was treating the box; as if it were a poisonous snake. “Those cut off suffer. Some go mad, others die. We have secured a reliable source of lyrium for the Templars here. But I…” he sighed again, meeting my gaze. “I no longer take it.”

“You stopped?” I asked, slightly shocked.

“When I joined the Inquisition. It’s been months now.” He seemed ashamed; yet suddenly I realized why he always looks so tired, almost like an animal being hunted.

“Cullen, if this can kill you…”

“It hasn’t yet.” His voice was defiant, and I shut my mouth. “After what happened in Kirkwall, I couldn’t…” his gaze turned intense; his eyes looked amber in the dim candlelight, and despite myself I felt my cheeks burn. “I will _not_ be bound to the Order-or that life-any longer. Whatever the suffering, I accept it.” I gazed at him with yet even more respect than I thought I could have for him. “But I would not put the Inquisition at risk. I have asked Cassandra to…watch me. If my ability to lead is compromised, I will be relieved from duty.”

“Are you in pain?” I asked after a moment of silence.

“I can endure it.” Came the stalwart answer, and I felt myself smile.

“Thank you for telling me. I respect what you’re doing.” I said quietly.

“Thank you, Ellia.” Cullen’s shoulders sagged a bit (even though he was _still_ wearing his full armor) as though a heavy burden had just been lessened. “The Inquisition’s army should always come first. Should anything happen, I’ll defer to Cassandra’s judgment.”

“Hm.” I said, thinking if maybe I should tell him of my own demons.

“What about you?” Cullen’s voice snapped me out of my own thoughts, and I looked across the desk at him.

“I…suppose I should tell you.” I said slowly, averting my gaze. His gaze was just too intense for me.

“Tell me what?” his voice was quiet.

“At Therinfal Redoubt, I was attacked by an Envy demon.” I said, and Cullen shifted uncomfortably.

“I read your report-“

“I didn’t include everything in the report.” I said quietly, glancing at him, hugging my arms to myself. “It’s why I won’t send Cole away, because Cole helped save me.”

“Ellia, what happened?” I drew a shaky breath.

“I…I battled the Envy demon, in my mind. It…wanted to _be_ me. To have the power that I wield as Inquisitor.” I felt my eyes begin to water, remembering my dream. “It…took on the appearance of Leliana, Josephine…you.” I stole a glance at Cullen; he looked worried. “I…couldn’t move, as Leliana…she…” my gut twisted, and I turned away from Cullen as I felt a tear slide down my face unbidden. “She slit your throat. I-I tried to stop the bleeding,” I was speaking faster now, “But it wouldn’t-it was too late, there was blood everywhere, and then you were back, as the Envy demon, and-and you…Cullen, I-“ and suddenly he was there, holding me, his strong arms wrapped around my small frame, my head against his shoulder (the fur covered shoulder-still in the full armor).

“It’s alright.” He said quietly, and before I knew it I broke down, sobbing quietly into his fur mantle as he stroked my hair, holding me close to him. I took the opportunity to channel all of my pent up frustration out in tears; it was one thing to cry into a pillow in a huge room by yourself. It was another to be held by someone who cared and cry into their shoulder. I pulled away after a few minutes, tears still brimming my eyes, and Cullen didn’t relinquish his hold on me.

“Oh Cullen,” I breathed, furiously wiping away the tears on my cheeks, “This is just…so _hard_. So many people rely on me, look to me for guidance, I just do what I think is right, and I’m-I’m _nobody!_ I’m not a noble, I’m definitely not _Orlesian_ , I’m an elf, a _Dalish_ elf at that, and I have this stupid Anchor thing on my hand-“ I was rambling, and Cullen merely smiled gently at me, pulling me back into a hug.

“Hey, hey.” He calmed the stem of words quite easily. “It’s alright. You’re not nobody. You’re the Inquisitor.” I leaned into him, enjoying being this close to the object of my affections. “And you have the entire Inquisition behind you. We’re here for you. It’s alright to break down once in a while.”

“Advice you might take yourself.” I scoffed, earning a deep throated chuckle from him that made my cheeks heat up.

“I’ll bear that in mind.” He said, and I pulled away, wiping the tears from my face, drawing myself away from his arms, wishing that I could just stay with him all night long.

“Thank you, Cullen.” I said quietly, clasping my hands together as I looked at him. He gave me a half smile, the scar on his lip stretching as he did so.

“I would like to consider us friends as well, Ellia.” He said gently.

“Cullen.” I started, “Do you think, well…I mean, that is…if you want to, anyway…” I felt the butterflies boiling up inside, “Say neither of us can sleep, it seems like we’re both…unable to sleep, a whole lot, anyway, could…” I took a deep breath, noticing Cullen was staring at me expectantly, “Could we continue our sparring sessions? I miss it.” Cullen snorted, smiling.

“Of course. Just come find me here.” He said, and I smiled back at him.

“I have another question, Commander.” I suddenly felt emboldened.

“Yes, Inquisitor?” he asked, raising an eyebrow, his hands resting on the pommel of his sword.

“Did you leave anyone behind in Kirkwall?”

“No. I fear I made few friends there, and my family is in Ferelden.” I inclined my head a bit, raising an eyebrow to match his.

“No one special caught your interest?” I asked slyly, and he smirked.

“Not in Kirkwall…” he trailed off, giving me a look that made my whole body hot. I smiled at him, trying to hide how ridiculous my body responded to his tone of voice.

“I see. Well, Cullen, I…should probably be heading back to my chambers…” I sighed, not looking forward to the suddenly extremely long and lonely walk back.

“Here, I’ll walk you back.” He said, extending his arm. After a second I realized he meant for me to take it. I smiled up at him.

“My knight in shining armor.” I teased, and he laughed as I took his arm.

“I try.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I definitely feel like the Inquisitor would feel overwhelmed at everything.  
> Most definitely.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Twinkle-toes?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually have an ocarina. It’s awesome. If you don’t know what an ocarina is, obviously you have missed out on the fantastic game known as Ocarina of Time.
> 
> The first part just didn’t work in Ellia’s POV, so I went to Cullen’s. Sorry.
> 
> Only not. xD Enjoy~~this chapter took extra work to finish. I forced myself because I love you all.

 

 

[Cullen’s POV]

 

 

He was in his office, as usual. He took a moment to straighten his posture from leaning over his desk, reading the reports on them over and over. He rolled his shoulders back, easing the tension in them. His head was throbbing, his body aching from the lack of lyrium. He sighed, deciding he would take a walk on the battlements, knowing it would do him good. He made for the door on his right, as the battlements to the right would be less populated by soldiers doing their rounds, where if he needed to stand and stare into the surrounding mountain range he would be able to do so without (much) interruption.

The sun was sinking lower in the sky, already behind the mountains to his left as he walked out of his office. The usual sounds of Skyhold were growing quieter as everyone began to settle in for the night, the frigid mountain air filling his lungs as he made an effort to stand up straighter as he walked. He passed by a couple of soldiers on duty, mindlessly returning their salutes. His body felt heavy-sometimes he wondered why he always wore his full set of armor, then he remembered that he was always ready for an attack, his thoughts flickering to Haven, then Kirkwall, and even the Circle in Ferelden…

He was jolted out of his thoughts when he heard a low, melodic sound. He was on the far battlement, behind the now complete stables, and the sound was coming from his left. He started; he wasn’t sure if the sound was really there, as he knew the sounds from the tavern usually carried all the way to his bedchamber above his office. He sighed, hoping it wasn’t a soldier slacking, and began to move in the direction he heard the music. As he walked, more shadows fell, and Skyhold was cast in the amber hues of the setting sun. Instead of the music getting quieter, it grew louder as he grew closer. It was a very beautiful sound. He saw a figure sitting on the battlement wall, and prepared himself to give a lecture. As he drew closer, however, he saw who it was.

Ellia sat on the wall of the battlements, her eyes hardly open as she blew on an ocarina gently. He always had a problem forming coherent sentences around her, but finding her alone, playing a musical instrument-he hadn’t expected this at all. She always caught him off guard, her forest green eyes staring up at him innocently with sly smiles and a quiet word of encouragement. Here she was doing it again, not even noticing him; her hair was down, like it had been the other night when she stumbled into his office in the dead of the night, breaking down in front of him as she tried to retell what happened at Therinfal Redoubt. She had smelled of dawn lotus and soap; a scent that had lingered on him all night, leaving him unable to concentrate on anything after he had bade her goodnight at her door. She had smiled at him, making his stomach twist, before saying good night back. This evening she wore a sleeveless tunic with a skirt that had an exceptional amount of folds; green seemed to be her favorite color, as the tunic and skirt were both different shades of green, making the tattoos on her face seem a bit bolder than usual. As the thought ‘Maker, she’s beautiful’ crossed his mind, immediately after it was followed with ‘this woman will be the death of me’.

He watched her, captivated by her serene beauty. The song she played sounded sad, no doubt as it probably held some meaning to her that she wouldn’t share. Suddenly her eyes turned to him, and she jumped, the song stopping suddenly as she almost fell over the edge of the battlements; he rushed forward and grabbed her, pulling her down to safety beside him.

“C-Cullen!” she stammered, grasping his arms tightly, her face an enjoyable shade of pink.

“Ellia.” He replied, his voice lower than he had intendeds.

“You startled me.” She breathed, and he chuckled.

“I figured as much, when you almost toppled over the edge of Skyhold.”

“I wasn’t about to topple over, thank you.” x

“As you say, Inquisitor.” He said, amused, slowly releasing her. She backed away almost instantly, clutching the small ocarina to her chest, looking rather embarrassed.

“I uh…um…” she seemed unable to meet his gaze. He shifted uncomfortably.

“I apologize, Inquisitor. I didn’t mean to startle you.” He offered, and she looked up at him.

“It’s alright.” She said, letting her arms drop to her sides, still holding the small instrument tightly. “I just didn’t think anyone could hear me play over here…”

“You play beautifully.” He said honestly, and even in the growing darkness of the day, her face seemed to blush perfectly at his praise. “I didn’t know you did play.”

“Oh, it’s nothing…” she said, trying to wave it off, but he raised an eyebrow at her, smirking slightly, making her shift her weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other. “Okay it’s not nothing. I picked it up when I was little and I just haven’t ever stopped.” She paused, grimacing. “Varric says I should definitely be a bard, but that’d mean I’d have to deal with stupid nobles all the time.” Cullen allowed himself to laugh lightly at that.

“So you play while you’re out in the field?” he asked, leaning against the battlement wall, and she smiled, still looking a bit embarrassed about it.

“Yeah…I can’t help it.” She admitted. He couldn’t stop the smile from spreading on his face.

“There’s nothing wrong with that.” He said gently, and she laughed lightly, her eyes twinkling as she held his gaze.

“I guess not. Still, I hadn’t expected anyone to come over and nearly scare me to my death.” She joked, and now it was Cullen’s turn to feel abashed. He immediately went to rub the back of his neck, looking away.

“Well, I needed a change of scenery, so I decided to go for a walk…”

 

 

[Ellia’s POV]

 

 

Damn you Cullen, being perfect and cute and so…perfect. The man simply knew how to catch me when I wasn’t expecting it. Whether it was on purpose or accidental had yet to be seen.

“How are you doing?” I asked gently, realizing his walk was probably also an escape from thinking about lyrium. Cullen sighed, shooting me a glance.

“I’m alright. Nothing I can’t handle.” He said quietly, sighing as he stood up straight from leaning back on the battlement wall. The strength in him; I guess I had always _assumed_ he was strong as hell, but when he yanked me off the wall to keep me from falling, I had definitely been surprised by how strong he was. I _had_ seen him shirtless, and I had seen his built frame, but to feel that strength being used on me…

“Good. You let me know if you need anything.” I said, keeping my thoughts from going any further than where they were already heading. He gave me his signature smirk, and I bit my lip. Creators be damned that they create someone so beautiful that I couldn’t have.

“I will. Thank you for being concerned.” He said, inclining his head slightly.

“You know, Cullen, I would be more than thrilled if you would join me on my excursion to the Exalted Plains.” I said, trying not to sound too hopeful.

“I wish.” Cullen did sound wistful, as the thought seemed to be entertained in his mind for a short minute. “Unfortunately, I can’t plan troop movements or keep the recruits in line if I’m out in the field.”

“I know.” I let my shoulders drop, giving him a sad expression, “It was worth a shot, asking though.” I said, tucking my ocarina into the pocket of my skirt.

“I do appreciate the offer though.” Cullen said, and I smiled at him.

“I guess Blackwall will have to suffice.” I said, gesturing to the battlements, silently asking to walk with him. He smiled back, silently accepting my offer as we began walking back towards his office. “Blackwall is my mediator between Dorian and Solas. The two bicker like children, only instead of fighting over toys it’s over slavery, the Fade, spirits, and other such mage nonsense.”

“You seem to have grown quite close to Dorian.” Cullen said, probably a bit stiffer than he meant to. I knew about the rumors flying around Skyhold (no doubt thanks to Varric and Sera) so I immediately groaned.

“Oh Cullen.” I said, rolling my eyes in his direction, “Dorian likes men.”

“But you and….he what?” Cullen seemed completely shocked at this news. I smiled sympathetically at him.

“Have you not noticed how he tries to flirt with you?” I asked as we entered his office, and Cullen coughed uncomfortably. “Oh my goodness, you haven’t.” I said in awe, and Cullen’s ears turned red, his lips a thin line.

“I…had assumed…” he seemed unable to put it into words, and I met him with a level gaze.

“Contrary to the rumor mill that Varric and Sera circulate here in Skyhold, I don’t sleep with everything that moves.” I said dryly, not feeling very amused.

“I hadn’t thought that-I-Maker’s breath, forgive me.” Cullen just didn’t seem able to speak coherently tonight.

“Take a deep breath.” I said, folding my arms over my chest. Cullen did just that, inhaling and exhaling slowly. Then he looked at me.

“I know better than to believe the rumor mill.” He said evenly. “Just you and Dorian, you definitely seemed closer than…well…your other companions.” He added carefully. I sighed; he had a point.

“I greatly enjoy Dorian’s company, this is true.” I admitted. “And if our flirting constantly puts stock in rumors, then I guess that’s our fault.” I waited; Cullen didn’t say anything immediately. I took his silence as an opportunity to assess my commander’s office; there was a hole in the roof, I knew that, and the dirt and broken boards and debris from when we had first moved in had simply been pushed into the corner. Cullen had two bookcases by his constantly messy desk, overflowing with books; there were also stacks of books on the floor besides them. I was certain he slept above his desk, the ladder leading to the upper ‘floor’ gave me a clue as I knew he didn’t sleep in the main keep: there was no way of telling if that area was any cleaner. Outside of the walkways of his soldiers coming and going, the office was a mess. “Cullen, you need to let us clean your office.”

“It’s alright, it doesn’t bother me.” Cullen responded with a wave of his hand. I scowled at him, and he simply laughed. “So, the Exalted Plains?” he asked, his eyes still crinkling in a smile as his hands rested on the pommel of the great longsword he wore. I sighed.

“Yeah…the civil war seems to be on hold, and it’s too quiet, according to the scouts.” I walked over to his desk, picking up a report; the report was on the Hinterlands, and I had cleared that area before Haven fell. I set the report back down, turning to face Cullen. “Apparently there’s a lot of undead and demons running around, so we’re going to go check it out.”

“Sounds like blood magic.” Cullen said darkly, also walking over to his desk to pick up a different report. I swallowed; Cullen was standing awfully close, so close I could smell the coffee and the scent of the mountains around us that he seemed to carry with him wherever he went.

“It probably is.” I agreed, sighing. I licked my lips absentmindedly, thinking maybe now would be a good time to ask…if there ever was a good time, considering how the world was probably ending and all, what with Corypheus and-

“Ellia? What’s wrong?” Cullen’s voice brought me back to the present, in which I realized how close he was, I could see the crow’s feet lining his eyes, his beautiful amber eyes searching mine, I could feel his breath on my face and I felt the yearning in my chest, to stand on my tiptoes to reach up and press my lips against his but-

“Can I talk to you? Alone? I mean, we’re already alone, but um…you know what I mean.” it came out sounding squeakier than I had hoped, and Cullen blinked.

“Alone? I-I mean, of course-“ and before we had a chance to say anything else, the door opposite of his desk slammed open, and we jumped away from each other as Varric barged in unceremoniously.

“Your Inquisitorialness! There you are.” Varric seemed completely oblivious to the beginning of a serious conversation that probably wasn’t going to happen for another month now, at the earliest. “Sparkler thought you’d be here.”

“Sparkler?” Cullen asked, confused. I rolled my eyes.

“Dorian.” I explained, and Cullen acknowledged that with a sigh.

“Come on, I finished that book for Cassandra, you said I’d get to be there when you gave it to her.” He said, holding up a tightly bound mix of papers. I looked apologetically at Cullen.

“Varric, could it-“

“Come on! You’re leaving for the Plains tomorrow right? Now is the perfect time to give it to her.” Varric still seemed oblivious to the glower he was receiving from Cullen, and I sighed in abject defeat.

“Alright, just give me a moment.” I said, giving Varric a look that said ‘give me a moment alone with Cullen you oblivious dwarf’. Varric bowed dramatically before backing up out of the door.

“Very well, Twinkle-Toes. Hurry up.” He closed the door behind him, and Cullen chuckled.

“Twinkle-toes?”

“He gives everyone a nickname.” I said, exasperated. I turned to Cullen. “So about um…what I wanted to talk to you about…”

“Yes?” his feigned innocence was driving me nuts. Or maybe it wasn’t feigned, and he really didn’t know, or I was just incredibly awful at this flirting business. I suddenly found it hard to put what I wanted to say into words.

“I um…well…I’ll see you before I leave tomorrow?” I took the coward’s way out, and Cullen gave me his atypical smirk.

“Of course.”

“Well I’ll see you tomorrow, we can talk about it then. If you want.” I added hurriedly. Cullen chuckled, making my stomach flutter wildly.

“Very well, we’ll talk about it tomorrow.” He said quietly. After a second, he coughed, rubbing the back of his neck. “You…might want to catch up to Varric.” I flushed.

“Right. Good night!” and I rushed out of his office before I could embarrass myself further. I ran into Varric inside the rotunda with Solas. Varric had the smuggest look on his face.

“Getting cozy with the Commander, hm?” he asked, and I walked up to him, punching his arm. That only made him laugh and Solas couldn’t help but smirk knowingly as well.

“I hate you both.” I growled, feeling my face get hot; that only made Varric laugh harder. “Ugh come on. Let’s go find Cassandra.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment and bookmark~! Any constructive criticism is welcomed. :)


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